Stop Squirming!

"Hello again Lord, I am sitting waiting to go to the eye doctor. I have told you lately, thank You for the fact I can still see? Well thank you God. Here You are, here I am, oh my Lord--- I thank You for Your Presence.

I am trying to Be still and know, for I know In the silence You speak. So, I write for it slows me down and helps me still myself and know." (Now an image comes to my mind of big loving hands trying to help a child, followed by these words.)

“I am so trying to hold onto you, trying so hard to reassure you of My love; it is hard to do --- quit your squirming.”

Laughing, I reply, “Oh, yes dear God, I am squirming for in the silence in the stillness, I know I not only find You, I find all that is within that bothers me. My thoughts, worries, concerns, fears, doubts, sooo much dearest God, that pulls at me and keeps me restless, my mind going in other directions as soon as I come to spend quiet time with You.”

“Be contented and still like a weaned child on a mother’s lap.”

”Thank You for the clue Lord!! What is there STILL that I need to be weaned of? Is it the need to be weaned of the ‘want to be validated, approved of, appreciated, acknowledged, and loved?’ Oh yeah how controlling are those inner ‘wants’ that push me and push me to do more and more—hoping I will hear acclamation of verbal applause. Father if you wish it, would you change my diva persona to one of a weaned child and heal all that is within that keeps me seeking assurance that I am ‘worthy of love.’”

“I wish it, dearly wish this for you---time to forgive, understand and let go of the control of these emotions that come from past rejections, criticism, hurts caused by others that has scarred your spirit.”

Then my mind recalls a Scripture, one from David who also struggled with restlessness, fears, and his human emotions.

“LORD, my heart is not proud; nor are my eyes haughty. I do not busy myself with great matters, with things too sublime for me. 2Rather, I have stilled my soul, Like a weaned child to its mother, weaned is my soul.^” (Psalm 131 vs 1- 2)

“Father, give me the grace to put all into Your hands and leave it there, so I can be a contented weaned child, wanting for nothing, for You have given me ALL that I need, and I thank You.”

“Remember to come to Me, when you need pacifying. And, by the way, I like that diva personality--I created you that way for a reason.”

Ah there is that big smile of love entering my soul as I smile, seeing a ‘pacifier’ being handed to me—His open arms of love.

“So nice to be still and hear Your voice oh my God.”