At 12, I Wanted to be a Carmelite Nun — But Life Got in the Way
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You might wonder what kind of obstacles lie in the way of attracting more men to religious life and the priesthood today.
What’s needed is an understanding of the problems and challenges of young people today, and a way to explain to them the high calling of consecrated life.
Such a book has recently been written. It’s called A Living Sacrifice - Guidance for Men Discerning Religious Life. Written by two Dominican priests, Fr. Benedict Croell, O.P., and Andrew Hofer, O.P, the book explains the beauty of religious life for men, and also gives insights into the difficult job of discernment in today’s often-confused world.
Many young men may have a real interest in the consecrated life — but they might be hindered by some of the confusion that is so much a part of our culture today.
Jayson, for example, is a college student who has lived a wayward life, and yet is fascinated with the men of a religious order at his college. He wonders if he could be like them.
However, Jayson’s upbringing was troubled. His parents divorced when he was ten years old. They spoiled him, and he got what he wanted - special food, the latest electronic gadgets, and free reign when he spent time with his friends. When he was 15, he became caught in a cycle of lust, anger, and self-loathing. He became addicted to pornography and masturbation.
In his second year of college, Jayson was able to break free of his addiction through the help of a priest and the friendship of some good Catholic friends. He learned that living a life of character involves self control over his appetites, and even asceticism.
Jayson’s story is one of many scenarios of young men who are interested in the consecrated life but have been caught up in the snares of the world and don’t know how to move forward.
Another scenario in the book is that of Sebastian, who has trouble making important decisions. Growing up, his parents made all his decisions for him. He went along, and all along tried to be a good kid. Now he is a junior in college and is wondering what is the next step after school.
Sebastian admits that he simply has not developed the skills needed to study his options and make a clear decision.
Another student is Brandon, who is confused by the poor Catholic teaching he has received. At a Catholic college, his class was taught by a professor who mentioned a religious brother convicted of child abuse. The teacher asked, “who would want to become a religious, when we know that those who look so holy are frauds?”
Brandon wonders if he should give up the idea of becoming a religious brother.
Whether it’s a weak upbringing, poor choices in a world of temptation, or getting poor Catholic teaching, they all add to the confusion of young people in responding to what may be God’s calling to the consecrated life.
Let’s explain a few terms here. Consecrated life consists simply of people who have given up marriage, and have made a promise or vow, for the kingdom of God. This is the broad group of persons who range from those who belong to structured religious communities all the way to those who have chosen another option, such as making a private vow under a priest.
Thus, diocesan priests as well as those living as members of certain Catholic organizations and communities make up one part of those called to consecrated life.
The others, however, belong to religious orders. This group consists of what we call religious men and women. The term “religious” is sometimes confusing as it’s used today. If a co-worker, for example asks if you are religious, you would say yes, meaning that you go to church regularly and say daily prayers. However, the term “religious” in the Church means that you belong to a religious order.
Religious orders are like families within the Church. Thus, men and women, such as Franciscans, Dominicans, Jesuits and Mercedarians, make vows of what the Church calls the “evangelical counsels” of poverty, chastity and obedience. These counsels allow its members to conform their lives to Jesus Christ, to grow in charity, or love, and to aim for perfection. The counsels allow them to give up possessions, marriage, and their freedom to obtain something even better.
As quoted in the Sacrifice book above, St. Thomas Aquinas says:
The perfection of charity is the end [purpose] of the religious state. And the religious state is a school or exercise for the attainment of perfection, which men strive to reach by various practices, just as a physician may use various remedies in order to heal. (Summa Theologiae II-II, q. 186, a. 2]
Thus, men such as Jayson, Sebastion or Brandon described above may feel drawn to consecrated life, and maybe religious life. They must learn about these options and discern how these communities’ lifestyles and character resonate with their own experience and desires.
A man who joins a religious order allows himself to be caught up in the spirituality or charism of the order. He expresses a desire to serve in any way he can.
The spirituality of the Order of the Blessed Virgin Mary of Mercy, for example, is total consecration to God through the vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience. For this Order, whose men are also called Mercedarians, seeking out the perfection of charity goes further. Their spirituality is enlivened by a Fourth Vow:
As mentioned on the Order of Mercy website, they promise to,
“give up our lives, as Christ gave his life for us, should it be necessary, in order to save those Christians who find themselves in extreme danger of losing their faith by new forms of captivity.”
Therefore, in all that they do — prayer, work, rest, exercise, or study — they do it all for the captives.
One of the Order’s apostolates, or missions, is to minister to prisoners, whose Christian faith is in danger of being lost. This year, the Order has set up a new foundation to staff two small rural parishes in the northeastern part of Florida, west of Jacksonville. This work involves ministering to the parishioners as well as acting as chaplains to the nearby prisons. For example, there is the Florida State Prison, the Lawtey Correctional Institution, and various juvenile correction centers in the area.
Our country’s crime rate and its solutions to crime are sore spots in society. The US Bishops report that “more than thirty-seven thousand federal prisoners (30 percent of the federal inmate population) are baptized Catholic, and many more Catholics are in local jails and state prisons.”
The Bishops also say that “the status quo is not really working — victims are often ignored, offenders are often not rehabilitated, and many communities have lost their sense of security.” The Order of Mercy has discovered that inmates have to wait nearly a year just to have their Confession heard by a priest.
The Order’s new presence in this part of the state is an opportunity to directly engage the Mercedarian charism of redemption specifically for the incarcerated.
The consecrated life as undertaken by men allows friars, such as those of the Order of Mercy, to become fathers of sorts to prisoners and others who may not have had good male role models in their lives. The outspoken and frank radio host Laura Schlessinger has pointed to one main cause of crime in our inner cities — is “no dads.”
Thus, the consecrated man who belongs to a religious community such as the Mercedarian friars acts as a father to many of those whose faith is in danger of being lost. This is true whether that friar is a priest, who can counsel and hear confessions, or a brother, who might teach in a school or otherwise help people.
Pope John Paul II gave these words to men and women religious in his 1984 apostolic exhortation Redemptionis Donum (Gift of the Redemption):
“Accept this word of the Jubilee Year of the Redemption precisely as a word of love, spoken by the Church for you. Accept it, wherever you may be: in the cloister of the contemplative communities, or in the commitment to the many different forms of apostolic service: in the missions, in pastoral work, in hospitals or other places where the suffering are served, in educational institutions, schools or universities—in fact, in every one of your houses where, "gathered in the name of Christ," you live in the knowledge that the Lord is "in your midst."
Redemption and healing are certainly ministries needed to give clarity and focus to troubled lives, as witnessed by the young men mentioned above.
The elements that distinguish the particular spirituality of the Order of Mercy from other religious orders and congregations are:
Are you a man age 18 - 35? Have you thought about the possibility of becoming a Mercedarian friar? To serve God as a priest or religious brother in the Order of the Blessed Virgin Mary of Mercy? The process of discernment begins by contacting a member of the Vocation team, Fr. Daniel, at frdanielbowen@gmail.com, or Br. Dominic, at socialmediacoordinator.merced@gmail.com.
Upon making this initial contact, the directors will call or email you about your personal history and how God may be calling you to serve him as a Mercedarian friar. They may also invite you to make a visit to one of their local communities, or for a Come and See Vocation weekend in Philadelphia. This initial visit will be followed up with additional visits to the community prior to application.
It is also suggested that you visit the vocations page of their website, OrderofMercy.org/vocations.
(For more on discernment for men, see A Living Sacrifice - Guidance for Men Discerning Religious Life, by Fr. Benedict Croell, O.P., and Fr. Andrew Hofer, O.P., Vianney Vocations.)
Kevin J. Banet is a journalist and publicist. He provides marketing for religious communities, non-profits and healthcare services. Kevin and his family live in the Chicago area. His website is VocationPromotion.com.
