How Can I Keep From Singing?

This past week, while in church and Adoration I opened up the hymn book and there I landed on a familiar song both times: How Can I Keep from Singing. 

I wasn't feeling particularly joyful, and in fact the second time I was feeling very confused, anxious, and wandering in my faith, and so I asked: God, what are you trying to tell me through this song? It feels so misplaced for how I feel right now.

His response seemed to be quite literally: That you cannot keep from singing. 

Okay, I said. I need more than that because I do not understand.

And as I stopped to reflect on that, it's true. My faith may be meager at times. I may be struggling to trust. I may be confused about my direction. I may be feeling let down and disappointed by things in my life. The tempest may roar. The tumult may pour over me. The darkness may grow. The fears may well up. Foes may knock on my door. 

But I still keep singing songs to the Lord. The songs have never stopped. I keep playing and singing music for God. I keep opening the hymn book. Time after time. 

I guess I never stopped to realize that my life has flowed on in endless song through the joyful times and the heartache times, just like that song says. 

Maybe that meager mustard seed of faith I always think I have is a little bigger than I thought.

Maybe my faith is a more like an endless song flowing through the peaks and valleys, constantly prompting me to sing through it all to the One I love.

Because how can we keep from singing?