A More Recent Parable of the Talents: A Satire Based on True Events

It will be as when a man who was going on a journey called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them. To one he gave ten million dollars; to another, four; to a third, one—to each according to his ability. Then he went away...

...the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them.

The one who had received ten million US dollars came forward bringing the additional ten million. He said, ‘Master, you gave me ten million. See, I have made ten million more.’

His master said to him, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.'

[Then] the one who had received six million also came forward and said, 'Master, you gave me six million. See, I have made six million more.'

His master said to him, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.'

Then the one who had received the one million came forward and said, 'Master, I knew you were a demanding person, harvesting where you did not plant and gathering where you did not scatter; so out of fear I went off and invested it in Men in Black: International.'

His master said to him in reply, 'You wicked, lazy servant! Not just Men in Black: International which everyone knew would bomb, but Elton John's bio, Rocketman! What were you thinking? But, still, since you were investing Peter's Pence money, should you not then have put my money in the bank so that I could have got it back with interest on my return? '

'It was a sure thing!'

'Nothing is a sure thing in Hollywood, look at Happy Feet Two! Now then!'

He motioned to his men, 'Take any remaining money from the video sales, and give it to the one with twenty million.'

For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And throw this useless servant into a dark movie theater and force him to watch a double feature of Rocketman and Men in Black: International where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.'

The End.

Source information:

National Catholic Register Article-funds-in-elton-john-biopic