The Monsters Inside

I was at a women's leadership event recently and one of the speakers was focused on self-compassion vs. self-criticism. They showed a video depicting a young woman battling a veiled adversary whose face was covered. The veiled person resembled a monster both in appearance and action. The woman was beaten down physically and emotionally by the monster. At the end, the woman is in tears on the ground and the veil is removed. To her surprise, it's her own face she's looking at. 

That video powerfully moved me. Often, the monster we're battling that brings us to the ground some days is inside us. The adversary is our own selves. 

It reminds me of a current country song, Monsters, by Eric Church:

I don't know about you but certain jarring lines in Scripture continually run through my head. Wickedness, sin, idolatry, turning away from God, the prospect of not making it to heaven, and the Commandments I struggle to stay faithful to. These are all realities in our inner lives. They are part of the human condition and the ugliness of what's inside. 

The monster inside us will convince us that this is who we are. Unworthy. Guilty. Sinful. Unfaithful. The monster will convince us that there is no hope and fill us with despair and discouragement.

But we have to remind ourselves that this is not the whole story. As much as we are defiled and sinful, we are redeemed by mercy, loved profoundly, and worthy of God's compassion and our own compassion. The real truth is that we are mixed. There is good and bad, sinner and saint in all of us. 

So let's fight those inner monsters. The ones that convince ourselves that we are only bad and not enough. And let's focus on our identity as children of God and the mercy and potential that we have to be all things good in this time of Lent.