Where have they gone?

Common questions that may be on the minds of many who have lost a spouse, a close friend, but mostly when a child passes. For a mother it can be the tearing of her heart when the one she gave life to, nurtured for any length of time, and has to come to the realization that they are no more. Can they see us, do they know how much we grieve for them? Accepting these events that may give us sleepless nights can not be answered conclusively. Here our faith and trust in God must be held onto.

As I write this reflection on Sept. 8th, the birth of the Blessed Mother, the thought of Simeon’s words; “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted and you yourself a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” (Lk. 2: 34-35). Her raising Jesus, comforting him when he fell and scraped his knee or wiping his runny nose, telling him everything will be ok. Some of the normal events in watching your child grow and mature, knowing his mother is there for him.

Mary’s standing at the foot of the Cross, seeing him die and laid in a tomb had to tear at her heart, feel a harsh emptiness, and wondering what just happened. A mother who just lost her only son to death, confused and lost with the same question.

I wrote before that we lost our son at 46 years of age and make frequent visits to his grave. My wife asks constantly where he is. Of course our faith is not challenged, but grief I am seeing is not a turn-on and off situation when one loses a child, at any age. I can’t even relate to the grief my wife feels; I can only be there offering support and love in a way I never knew I had.

One blessing is the fact our Mother Mary, to whom we seek solace, went through the same type of pain. With that in mind our loss although real allows us to relate to her and know she understands.

In previous articles I mentioned the peacefulness we find sitting at Paul’s grave and as we watch many others attend to the graves of their loved ones brings a feeling of compassion many have for those they’ve lost as well. One must keep in mind the respect we as Catholics have for the lifeless bodies of loved ones goes back centuries and is still a living memorial for those who have passed. My article on “Cremation or in-ground burial” is a reminder that even though the bodies are lifeless they still are more than empty. All of us from the womb to the grave are blessed by God and await the final resurrection.

Ralph B. Hathaway, Fall 2020