Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6
During this time of COVID19 my husband and I have started some home projects. When you are stuck at home you start to see where things need to be changed. We had dropped our oldest son off at college, a joy and a sorrow for me, and our youngest daughter, who is a tween mentioned she is wanting to not be in bunk beds anymore. My husband and I set out to disassemble the beds and get her a new one.
As we were taking the beds down, part of the frame of the bed slammed on my left ring finger; right on my wedding band. My finger began to swell and I immediately removed my wedding band so as not to have to get it cut off from swelling. Though the pain was great, my heart hurt more removing my wedding band which I never take off (except when I was pregnant because of swelling then to). I iced my finger and I am waiting for the swelling to go down so I can put my wedding ring back on.
I went to a low Latin Mass today instead of the regular Novus Ordo I usually attend. I figure what a better day to go than on the feast of Our Lady of Knock. I was excited. It is only my 4th Latin Mass ever. I wasn't expecting what happened to me. I don't know why I wasn't. You all know how I feel about the Latin Mass and I see the Mystical Body in the Liturgy.
To be clear, I do not think the Latin Mass would solve all of the church problems, but there is definitely something about this Liturgy that transcends. I sobbed my way through. For the first time in a while I felt totally spiritually protected in worship. I felt like I was in the womb of the church surrounded in mercy. Though I still don't know the Mass, I did not have to lead, I did not have to save myself. Christ was clearly the head saving me. I felt totally surrendered and in that felt freedom, which was a respite from the oppression of the world.
As I looked down at my swollen, wedding bandless, finger, I felt as though I myself was a representation of the church – the Body – and swollen with Pride and Idolatry, I was not prepared for the wedding that was meant for my salvation.
Then he said to his servants, ‘The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.' So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, the bad as well as the good, and the wedding hall was filled with guests."But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. He asked, ‘How did you get in here without wedding clothes, friend?' The man was speechless. "Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
"For many are invited, but few are chosen." Matthew 22:8-14
The world has gotten into the church instead of the church changing the world. We really don't look very different from everyone else. This time period is a time period where we all must focus in prayer on our own purification so we are prepared for the banquet. Confession, humility and prayer are so key.
I will leave you with what I recorded in my journal after my ride home and these experiences. As always, if the church came out and said what I have written in wrong, then the church is correct and I am wrong.
Beloved Lily of the Father,
Come to me all you who labor and are burdened and I will give you rest.
Everything, all of Creation, is in and through me. I AM.
My mother held all of creation in her womb as she held me in her womb.
She is Theotokos.
The Glory of God's creation is meant to be housed in you. It is meant to be housed in the church.
The church holds all of creation in its authority because the church holds ME the Eucharistic Christ.
The way the church goes is the way creation will go.
When the church worships my Glory, the church and creation are glorified.
When the church worships idols and brings scandal and sin, she walks the path to crucifixion.
Creation, like my Body on the cross, grows ugly and dark. 3 Days of darkness.
The air turns to poison like sulfer.
But the Mother of God is the Mother of the Church.
In her Immaculate Conception, her ever-Virgin purity, her Divine motherhood, and her Assumption she becomes the Ark through which the faithful are guided Eucharistically, because I will it. Mediatrix of Grace. Sharing in redemption.
I will send an Armada of Angels, equipped like warships to guide the barque back to where it belongs, between the pillars of my Sacred Eucharistic Heart and her Immaculate heart.
Endure and persevere in suffering with a trusting and grateful heart.
The breath of God will feed the air you breathe surrounded by a refuge of angels.
Take part in this cross and God's glory will shine in a way the earth has not seen since before the fall.
Be grateful, even in the sorrow.
The contrite and pure heart is the key to the Kingdom.
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His mercy endures forever.
Your Divine Spouse