The golden, autumn sunlight glistened upon the dewy morning grass as I walked upon the less trodden path. Before my eyes the heart-shaped leaves of the Sweet Birch fell gently at my feet as I took one step after another like so many times before. It was for love alone that I first began the journey and continued to walk willingly in the blood-stained footsteps of Christ towards Calvary. With my Rosary beads swaying at my side I tightly grasped the crucifix within the palm of my hand as I struggled to pray a "Hail Mary," with each labored breath. The eerie, silence surrounded me with only the sound of the wind whispering through the trees. There was a rapid, rhythmic beat pulsating within my chest, and despite the majestic beauty of the day the overwhelming feeling of abandonment seized my soul.
Tears welled behind my glossy eyelids and trickled down my flushed cheeks as I gazed upon the floating clouds moving gently along in the bright, blue sky. Suddenly, I uttered out loud, "Lord, please send me a priest;" the words that resided within the depth of my wounded heart. During the sentence of perilous solitude afflicted upon me by an "angel of light," I experienced a share in Christ's agony in the Garden of Gethsemane.
The Lord is always at our side to offer us comfort and consolation to help us to weather the turbulent storms in our lives. God has promised that He would never leave us, and despite at times how we may feel, the truth is that as the torrential rain pours down upon us we are not alone. When we struggle to make our way through the mighty flood it is the light of God's Love that pierces through the darkness. It was by a "little miracle" that God reminded me of His constant Presence in my life, and how He is always in control. We need to go to God during times of desolation even if all we have to offer is a simple, little prayer. We do not have to use superfluous speech because God already knows what is in our heart.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)
After praying my sincere and heartfelt prayer the morning of that melancholic day, there in the afternoon light stood a tall, blonde, figure wearing clerics, in the foyer of the Motherhouse. Walking towards me was my pastor who greeted me with a warm smile as I remained still wide-eyed with astonishment. I had been informed of his presence, but to actually see Father during this darkest of hours left me speechless. He had never come before to visit me at the convent. It could not be mere coincidence that he came to see me when only hours ago I asked God to send me a priest. The Lord gave me a "little miracle" when my whole world seemed to be coming apart at the seams. It took everything I had within me to not burst into tears at the sight of him. I had never been so happy to see a priest, especially my pastor, who I never expected to see that day. I was reminded that God, as our Father, always knows what we need because we are His children. He will always give to us that which leads to Heaven.
During evening Eucharistic Adoration I sat in the Chapel with a heavy heart and glistening eyes fixed upon His Eucharistic Face. A tidal wave of emotion surrounded me, yet within remained a steady calm; a special peace bestowed upon me by the Lord. Although, I pleaded for the bitter cup to pass from me, I held in my heart the desire to do His Holy Will. The words of the Blessed Mother came to my mind when she spoke to St. Bernadette Soubirous, "I do not promise you happiness in this world, but in the next." True happiness is achieved by sacrifice because it unites us to Christ. We will have to suffer for a short time, but our lifetime is but a drop in the ocean in comparison with all of eternity. God-willing someday we will be able to live forever in a state of eternal bliss and perpetual joy with our Beloved Lord in Paradise.
