Memories of First Communion, Sister Mary Claudia, and Catholic School.

Our preparation for First Communion began and ended in 2nd grade. We studied. We recited. We learned, and Sister Mary Claudia guided us along the way. She drilled us during religion class about what we were supposed to say in the confessional. Finally, the week came for our First Communion and our First Confession. Before we could receive Jesus, we had to go to confession. We had to confess our sins to God.

I was a bit nervous. However, Sister taught us what we should say when the door on our side of the confessional would open. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.” Later, Sister told us, we would say, “It’s been 2 weeks, or however long it’s been, since our last confession.” We were also told to whisper since we did not want anyone else to hear our sins. We were taught the Act of Contrition. We were reminded that we needed to say the penance we were given immediately after we left the confessional. There was no way we would ever forget what we were taught. I could say it in my sleep, and I did on occasion.

My mother had bought my beautiful, white dress and veil for first communion. She said that if I did not laugh during Mass, yes, that was still an issue from first grade, she would have a candy bar ready for me to eat after Mass. This was in the days when we had to fast 24 hours before receiving Holy Communion. We were so excited, but first we had to go to confession.

By now, I was walking with Sister Mary Claudia when we left the classroom to go to church. She had begun to encourage me to sit with my friends. I knew it was still easier to sit with her. I’d be asked, during Mass, to sit with her, anyway, so I just made it my habit. I didn’t want to commit a mortal sin. This was the safest choice for me.

We left the classroom to receive the sacrament of confession. The sun was shining as we walked across the parking lot to the church. I don’t remember much about the walk except that we were all vert quiet. We walked quietly into church. The lights at the top of the confessionals were not lit, so we all sat and waited. There was no sound in the church. Then, two priests came out and each one walked into a confessional. The rest was a blur until Sister Mary Claudia touched my shoulder and said it was my turn. My legs felt like jelly. I folded my hands praying that I make a good confession. I wanted to make my First Communion on Sunday.

The door opened, and my best friend came out of the confessional. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sister Mary Claudia raise her finger to her mouth. Sister seemed as surprised as I was, but this time, we looked at each other, and something was different. We didn’t laugh. She had been forgiven and was going to say her penance.

I stepped into the darkened confessional. The little door opened. I could see someone there, behind the screen, and I knew it was time for me to begin. My. mind. went. blank. I started to whimper. Father was very kind. He could hear me crying. He said, “Is something wrong?” All I could do was nod my head. He reminded me, “You have to tell me. I can’t see you very well.”

I managed to choke out, “I for-for-got what I’m supposed to say.”

“Oh,I see,” he said. “Should I help you?”

“Ye-yes.” I replied.

With the kindness of Jesus, Father, gave me the first few words, “Bless, me, Father,” he said.

The words came back to me. “Father, aren’t I supposed to say that?” I heard him laugh softly.
That was all it took. Tears of fear became tears of joy. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

I don’t remember what I confessed that day, but as I was finishing up my confession, Father asked me a question, “Isn’t there something else you have to confess?” I gasped! Was I in the state of Mortal Sin? How did he know? What did I do?

I stuttered out anything I could think of. I was mean to my mother 6 times. I hid the candy bar she was taking to work and ate it, 3 times. I, I, I…What did he want me to say?

Father sensed my panic, “Stop and think, “ he said, “Why do you sit with Sister?

I was stunned. How did he know? “Why?” I replied. Why do I sit with Sister?” I was in a panic again. I didn’t know what to say, then, it came to me.

“Oh, I laugh a lot during Mass, Father.”

“Yes,” he said. “Do you think it hurts Jesus to know that you are paying attention to something else during Mass?”

I started to sob. I had hurt Jesus, and I didn’t even know it. “Father, I’m so sorry. I’ll never do it again!”

I could hear him smile. “Well, Jesus knows that you will try. That’s all that matters. Say your Act of Contrition.

I said my Act of Contrition. Father gave me my penance. I had received forgiveness for my sins! I was speechless. I felt peace pouring into my soul. I left the confessional, and I didn’t feel the ground under my feet. Sister directed me to my pew. She had a puzzled look on her face. I had changed, and she knew it. I prayed my penance, and I was now in the state of grace!

I tried so hard to remain in the state of grace. My mother said I was unusually quiet. I prayed a lot in preparation for First Communion. I did what I was told. On Sunday, my mother dropped me off at my classroom. She spoke with Sister Mary Claudia. I saw Sister raise her shoulders as if to say, “I don’t know.” It was almost time for Mass and to receive Jesus.

We lined up at the back of the church. When the organ began to play we walked in, boys on one side and girls on the other. We filled the pews. All went as we had rehearsed. The Mass began. The time for our First Holy Communion came. We walked up to the altar rail and knelt down. The priest and a server with a patten came to me. I looked at the pure white host knowing it was Jesus. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to receive Him on my tongue. He was there. I knew it. I felt His Unending Love pour into me. I cried. I knew then that I would never be the same, I couldn't be the same. I looked at my best friend, and she looked at me. She had tears in her eyes, too.

We walked out of church. My mother found me. She gave me that long awaited candy bar. I realized I was hungry. I ate it quickly. The odd thing was Sister Mary Claudia came over to where I was standing with the rest of my family. She knelt down so that she could look me in the eye. She still looked 14 feet tall. She put her hands on my shoulders. “You know, now, don’t you?” I could only nod. I knew. I really knew.

The school year ended with only a few more calls home. I tried not to hurt Jesus, but I was at confession almost every week. Once, I even think I heard Father sigh. I learned a lot about penance and the Sacrament of Reconciliation that summer. It really was full of graces! God loved me. I tried, I really did. Father told me again that Jesus was happy that I was trying. Even to this day, I still try, but I do hear the priests sigh when I leave the confessional! Some things will never change.

nbsp; Then, two priests came out and each one walked into a confessional. The rest was a blur until Sister Mary Claudia touched my shoulder and said it was my turn. My legs felt like jelly. I folded my hands praying that I make a good confession. I wanted to make my First Communion on Sunday.