Conflicting Voices: Why Parents Choose Not to Bring Their Children to Mass

This great, yet heartbreaking article struck a chord...

Parents not taking their kids to Mass?

I'm being honest here, I know a few. Not pointing fingers! In fact, I'm the first to stand up and say, please, Lord, please, give us some consistent voices.

It doesn't matter the circumstances behind why Mass attendance is a challenge - it is, why kids scream - they do, why parents say or do not say something at Mass - they decide. The Body of Christ, fellow parishioners, do not act consistently towards growing families before, during, and after the greatest form of prayer - the Mass.

How do parents get to this point of not taking their kids to Mass?

Horror stories...

Seriously, I've been scolded after Mass, as crowds of faithful flock to their cars, for allowing my boys to run around the baptismal font in which they were baptized (ours is in the vestibule) while I chat with my friends and meet some new ones.

I've been scolded for allowing my baby to sing his own song to Jesus (ok, it was squeaking) during a religious education Eucharistic adoration.

Not during any services, on a quiet day, I let my boys climb a dogwood tree on the parish grounds, and a presumed parishioner scolded me that the tree is church property and then scolds my son to get down.

A mom in my parish was reduced to tears from a gentleman parishioner who screamed at her after daily Mass for allowing her children to behave so poorly. Other parishioners tried to intervene; it didn't help. She had to get in her car and leave.

Another mom in my parish brings her kids by herself, but every time, someone, or multiple someones act up to the point that she feels embarrassed. Whether anyone scolds her or not (they have), she really has to bring herself to great courage when she does decide to attend with her children.

and... Glory Stories.

Two weeks ago, a woman parishioner came up to me after Mass, introduced herself, and said, "I've watched your family grow over these years. Your family is delightful, and we truly love seeing you each week. Thank you."

After Mass last week, a friend gave me a sneak attack hug from behind, then shared she had come to our parish for an event, said hi to all my kids, and conversed with each one.

That sweet Daughter of Charity who befriended my most active child specifically after one of his most active Mass attendances. And the next three times we saw her, she specifically remembered my active child's name.

My pastor roars every time one of my kids is wearing the lion coat - and they roar back.

After Mass one week, my baby leaned out and insisted that our parish priest hold him, then my baby rested his head on the priest's shoulder for two minutes.

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me," but his apostles felt very differently before He said that.

So Horror Stories AND Glory Stories contribute to parents choosing not to bring their children to Mass because it's a sort of bi-polar feeling, honestly.

How do any of us parents get to a point at which we choose not to take our children somewhere?

Feeling unwelcome.

I said it. It matters. I'll say it again.

It matters that mothers, fathers, and children feel welcome.

It matters that the Body of Christ, the parishioners, the priests, the deacons, the religious, embrace the vulnerable and formative years of growing families. If the same parishioner in the back of the sanctuary can greet a person with special needs after Mass, speak to them at length, and then exit into the vestibule and scold a mother for allowing her children to run around the baptismal font, our Body is hurting - we are suffering from mixed messages, and mixed messages, psychologically are not healthy for anyone. My husband and I are blessed to be of one mind that we will bring our children to Mass by hook or by crook unless they are ill. But I'll be blunt - I don't know what to expect from other parishioners on any given Sunday.

Jesus doesn't say, "Let the children come to me unless they're not quiet."

Jesus doesn't say, "Let the children come to me unless they have special needs."

Jesus doesn't say, "Bring only the ones with special needs to me; all others must be perfectly behaved."

Jesus says, "Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

In the verse prior to Jesus' words, it says in Matthew 19:13, "Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray."

The parents wanted Jesus to bless their children!

I often envision that moment. The gaping jaws of the corrected disciples, and 20 giddy children leaping into the arms of Our Lord, giggly, squealy, squeaky, yelping, pinching, and yes, probably a few crying after getting pushed by somebody else.

Jesus doesn't want perfect, Jesus wants all. All, all, all! He takes us all - He took our sins on the Cross!

What if all of the faithful were consistent? What if all the bishops, all the priests, all the deacons, all the faithful, said something very consistent and very simple to lift up the dignity of the family every Sunday and every daily Mass - what if they just said with one voice, "Thank you for bringing your family to Mass. It's good to see you."