5 tips for those grieving during the holidays

The Christmas season is supposed to bring joy and cheer to even Mr. Scrooge. Sometimes, however, reality is there is an empty chair around the Christmas table that serves as a reminder of the loved one we lost during the year. It’s a reminder there is someone missing. It’s a reminder that holidays will not quite be the same again.

We adore the baby born in the manger. We celebrate the Christ child who came to this world to save us from our sins. We honor the mother who said “yes” to God. We gaze upon the nativity scene and know it is a season of love and worship. Yet, simultaneously, we know there is an ache.

The reality is the holidays are extremely difficult with a missing loved one, particularly if it is the first-time having Christmas after the death of someone special. It is important to know that it’s okay for you to miss those no longer with you during this time of the year. It’s okay to feel an ache when opening Christmas presents, making someone’s favorite side dish, or taking the family photo. Your loved one should not be forgotten or glossed over during this time. Here are a few ways you can use to help cope with that missing chair at the dinner table:

1.)    Offer a Mass for them: The celebration and reception of the Eucharist is the highest form of worship we, as humans, can give to our Lord. It’s a uniting of ourselves with Christ’s sacrifice and the reception of the Eucharist brings about graces. Those graces can also be extended to a loved one in purgatory. St. Pope John Paul II said, “the Church believes that she will be heard, for she prays in union with Christ her Head and Spouse, who takes up this plea of His Bride and joins it to His own redemptive sacrifice.” It’s also encouraged to offer more than one Mass for your loved one. The offering of the Mass for our deceased is something we can feel like we can do. Grief can sometimes convince us there is nothing we can do. The offering of the Mass is something we can do here on earth for our loved ones. It offers a form of comfort that is not found outside the Catholic Church. It’s an “I love you” to those we have lost.

2.)    Share memories with others: During the holidays, we normally gather with family and friends. The people around you during the holidays are also those who are missing and grieving the loss of the same person you are missing. The relationships may be different, but they understand the loss. Be encouraged to share your memories with them about your deceased loved one. Ask them about their memories. By recalling moments and times with those who are no longer with you, the family keeps that individual alive in not only your hearts but in your holidays.

3.)    Add something new to your tradition: It may sound simple but adding a new holiday tradition to the family activities is a great way to help yourself and your family get through the season. If you normally get together at one house each year, try having someone else in the family host the Christmas dinner. You could also choose to watch a Christmas movie together as a family, go looking at Christmas lights, attend a Christmas concert as a family, make gingerbread houses, or volunteer to help serve meals at a homeless shelter as a family.

4.)    Have fun and enjoy those around you: It is normal to feel sad during family gatherings or events. It is also perfectly fine for you to enjoy yourself and have fun. A little bit of laughter and smiles can go a long way in overcoming depression and grief. The moments you allow yourself to have fun are those that will stay with you for future holidays and help you build a foundation of positive memories, despite the loss.

5.)    Take time just for you and the Lord: It is crucial for you to get away and spend some time alone with Jesus. If you have access to spend an hour or two in adoration at an adoration chapel that is perfect. Many, however, do not have that kind of access but you can still enjoy time alone with Christ. First, decide how much time you want alone and then decide when you are going to take that time. Turn your phone and electronics off and spend time in prayer reading Scripture, a devotional, or praying the rosary and other prayers. You do not need to be the one doing all the talking during this time either. Silence can certainly be golden during stressful and difficult times like these. Sometimes, it's better to let God speak and for us to close our lips and open our ears.

The most important thing for you to remember is that you are not alone. You are loved. You are cherished. You have a host of angels and saints around you.