How Do I Love You?

   Today, fifty years ago, a man who my Lord sent to me---became my husband. In this journey of married life, God always came, to lead and guide and help in all of the bumps and ups and downs we encountered. God led me to write about this journey, and it can be found in "My Journey, My Cross--as the Journals End" under the pen name of Bethana. Here is just a small example found in the book--of how God kept that marriage together. I journaled daily usually, talking to God and that helped immensely!! For as you know, any life, any vocation is not easy!

                                                                    HOW DO I LOVE YOU
When it is convenient. When I feel like it. When I ‘need’ You. When I feel lonely. When I breathe. When I see all You made-all You do. When I smile, hear a song—touch a person. How do I love You? When fresh rain falls, the gentle wind blows, when lightning flashes or thunder rumbles and roars. When Mass is being said and I am really being part of it, when praise and worship flows freely and people are one in mind, heart, and spirit with You. How I love you. When I look into Your holiness, when my will becomes one with Yours. When I am able to empty myself of all I am doing and do all for love, for You. That is when I know that I love You.
    Now, how can I be humble? To just be that empty vessel that I become when I pray for someone. To be that empty vessel as I work or live-- just how am I doing that as I work? For God to be all: I must give my all, my full attention to whatever I am doing at the moment. That is extremely hard to do, as I am being pulled apart by so many needs, and I continue to plan things my way. Let us begin to turn to the moment, the "all in the moment" and the awareness of God in that “all—that moment."
It is eleven pm; it’s quiet except for the refrigerator hum, the wind, the ticking clock, and a plane engine overhead. I see a country kitchen, clear and clean, a door open to the world outside. I am writing with Glenn’s pen. I need to return it. “

    That is the way my mind works. Deep quiet thoughts and then blurt, out comes something totally mundane, but reflective when I look at it now. Every detail in life is important! We do not know how the pieces of the puzzle fit together. We do, with time and patience, and we should wait and see what God is up to.
    I think about what was written about being the empty vessel, and I think of how I become this vessel when I pray for others. I think of how important that emptying process is. When you pray for others, you purposely take deep breaths, stops thinking like the human you are, and just allow God to enter in, leading you in the direction on how to pray for the person before you. You also fill your heart full of love and compassion for this stranger before you, who has a look of deep hunger for God’s touch. The result is the actual presence you feel of love and God’s power leaving you and going to them. God reminds me that I need to do the same for family; I need to forget how they have hurt me and see them as a stranger and in need of love. Too many times my prayers for family are flippant and careless, as in my mind lies ‘busy, angry, frustrated, even resentful mom or wife.’ Definitely not an empty vessel through which God’s love flows. What did Jesus say about leaving anger behind before coming to the altar to pray?
    For God to be present, for love to be flowing out and reaching out to another we need to have the heart and personality of Jesus as we pray. This is what praying in the name of Jesus means. For ‘name’ in Hebrew, I have been told, means the same as a person’s personality. This concept really makes sense about praying in the name of Jesus. Why? Because you can say wine, wine, wine, all you want and not become drunk. You have to drink that wine. The same with proclaiming “I love you Jesus or Jesus you are Lord of my life.” If you do not take in the fullness of all that Jesus lived, did and said and incorporate His virtues and Love into your being, your faith is useless, for you just speak words."

Thank you, my dearest Lord: for this man, my husband--who 50 years ago you spoke inwardly to my heart--"This is the man you are to marry." Read all about it--and perhaps you too, will find that "our journey, is your journey" too.