3 Ways to Enrich Your Marriage: Part 1

[I recently wrote an article about marriage which received a good response and prompted a request for more. You can read Reconnecting on Catholic365 here first if you’d like an intro to what I’m about to dig into.]

While the nation has seen decades in the breakdown of the family unit, the last few years have only increased in stress and burden for many. Families are started outside of marriage and couples break up thereby skipping the divorce statistics. Further, the divorce rates also have a poor measurement for those with multiple divorces. Sex outside of marriage, infertility, abortion, fertility methods, birth control, and homosexual unions have all contributed. From a Catholic perspective, the root cause of our loss of family structure is the lack of the best structure a marriage could have: God.

For this and the following two articles in the series, we will look at ways we can enrich our own marriages. Being a standing example of a faithful marriage which endures through trials and even trauma, we may not only teach our children what marriage should look like, but also project a prominent standard to those around us, beating the ‘new normal’ of broken family structures and non-traditional marriages.

Before diving in, it should be mentioned that I know and love people in ‘non-traditional’ situations. From imprisonment, divorce and separation, and cohabitating outside of marriage, we are not to judge the person but to help our neighbors. We care about their souls and that’s the crux of going out into the world to make disciples. We can’t control others, but we can control our own choices. Let’s focus on ways to promote good choices. That’s what we, in our own marriages and lives, should be doing for others around us.

Discovering the very center of a marriage brings us to how the first marriage began. God creates man and woman, giving Eve to Adam as a helper and partner (Gen 2:18). Without God, there can be no holy matrimony. Marriage is often prompted in our current culture as something started by lust, but this isn’t true. Marriage is to be built on much more and rooting our marriage in the One who made marriage, the One who made each of us, is the best foundation we can give our family.

Our vows state we are to have and to hold, not to have and let go when it’s tough. We’re to endure sickness and health, for better or worse, for rich or poor. Sickness may be terminal or mental illness. Poor doesn’t have to be exclusive to finances. One can be poor in spirit or will power. Worse can mean many things: trauma, job loss, addiction, anger, dismissiveness, or indifference. Worse almost covers it all. In fact, the only reason the Catholic Church allows breaking vows, annulment, is if it’s proven the vows were never valid in the first place. This is especially important if the marriage becomes abusive. God does not want us suffering abuse, but that’s a completely separate subject.

So how can we keep God at the center of our marriage and truly enrich our union? The first step is prayer. Marriage, traditionally, takes place before God. Vows are said, promises made, witnesses present, prayers take place. Most marriage ceremonies, even outside the Catholic Church, do all these things. God is already present at the beginning of the marriage (Gen 2:24). Why not continue to bring Him into the rest of the marriage?

For couples who aren’t already praying individually, this is like skipping steps while climbing the stairs. It can be done, but it’s a bit more difficult. If you have no prayer life, start simply. Time alone is as important as time together. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul says, “Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.” In this verse, Paul is talking about their needs of being together, but the point is to highlight that he mentions even here that a couple must continue personal prayer with the Lord as well.

If you don’t pray at all, the best way to start is to remember that God is our Loving Father and, as a loving father should, He wants us to come to Him in both trouble and joy. Simply have a moment alone and tell Him what’s bothering you, or why you’re happy, or why you’re frustrated. Talking with God aloud when you’re alone is a great way to break the barrier for those unfamiliar or uncomfortable with prayer. Don’t forget to take moments to be quiet, listening and contemplating His response. Formal prayers are helpful too, such as the Lord’s Prayer, Hail Mary, or Glory Be. Break that barrier and speak to your Lord, your Father. There are many resources to do deeper in your prayer life, but this makes a good start.

Coming together in prayer is vital in marriage and solidifies any union. If this is awkward for a couple, start simple. Blessing before a meal, bedtime prayers with kids, prayers before a trip or job interview. You might find it easier to say a formed prayer (mealtime blessing is easy!) Eventually, move into deeper prayer together. Our bedtime prayers always start with, “Thank you, Father, for today.” It doesn’t matter what the day was like; it breaks us into prayer and gives thanks to the Lord.

By bringing prayer into your marriage, you’re asking God to be part of your marriage. If God, the Creator of all the universe, the Designer of all beings, is part of your marriage, you can’t go wrong. Your marriage will grow and be filled with more love and steadfast devotion no matter what ‘worse’ may come. It may not be sunshine and roses, but you’ll be able to withstand the storm.