3 Ways to Enrich Your Marriage: Part 3

[For Part 1 of this series, click here. For Part 2, click here.]

Marriage, at least in our culture, typically starts with romantic love. There’s attraction, common bonds, friendship, and eventually love. Sometimes that love is strong right from the start and sometimes it needs to grow before the couple truly appreciate one another. Either way, marriage starts with two people in love who have chosen to spend the rest of their lives together. They’re ready to begin a life of togetherness, finding their own place, doing things their own way… together.

Add kids, mix well. Togetherness changes meaning. It’s beyond diaper changes and work schedules. It’s also after school sports, birthday parties, school events, and various other needs. Time for a couple to spend together seems further and further from possible. Some couples have the luxury of similar schedules and strong financial means to keep date nights possible. Many others work rotating and/or opposite shifts to avoid the costs of childcare and other expenses. This shouldn’t make us think the latter couples hold a different priority over family or marriage. We must all bear what life brings us and work to make our marriages and family life fruitful.

All that busyness, though, can cause a drift in the couple. Even if the couple is still in love, it’s difficult to regroup and keep a handle on things when your spouse is seemingly (or literally) on the other side of the planet. Mix that with strife from other marital issues (finances, family illness, careers, etc.), and you’ve got a recipe for separation, at least separation of the heart. Hopefully, it’s saved by the mere realization and action is taken. So, what action can be taken?

No matter where you’re at as a couple, it’s important to be feeding and nurturing your relationship just like you feed and nurture a child through various stages. In the beginning, it may seem easier with fewer family commitments. As life goes on, kids or no, things can change and it’s easy to miss the signs of marital drift. If you find yourself wondering why your spouse doesn’t seem to notice you or let your needs take priority, it may be time to look at your togetherness.

Togetherness doesn’t have to be a fancy night out or even a vacation. It simply means making time for just the two of you, without the kids or work calls or anything else disruptive. It could be a dinner out or a lunch in. It can be a ten minute sit down where you agree to not talk about any family or other business, just be with one another. It could be a vacation alone if that’s possible, but it doesn’t have to be. The important thing is that you give attention to your marriage as though it’s one of your kids. Actually, it’s like your first child. You need to nurture that kiddo like any other. It needs time and attention; it needs to grow and be healthy.

Now, we’re thinking of marriage in this way, that it’s a bond, a union, that needs its own amount of time and attention as the two which it holds together. The ultimate Parent or Creator of this union is God, the One who created all things, and He created them for good. If He, then, allowed us to be united to bring about His purpose in our lives, shouldn’t we justify our union by nurturing it and giving it the attention it needs to fulfill God’s glorious purpose?

We come together as a couple in prayer, offering our marriage and ourselves to the Lord. We give ourselves over to His Will, knowing that change and challenge will come but we must submit to His Will and submit to one another for the greater good. Finally, we commit to our marriage by finding time and ways in which to grow our relationship in love by being together as one. Our marriage is meant to be holy and whole. Let us break the ‘new normal’ of marriage lasting as long as people are fleetingly happy. Let’s search for eternal happiness by seeking a marriage after God’s own heart. Pray, bear, and deepen your love for God and one another. Once, while on retreat, a friend told me that marriage was about helping each other get to heaven. What a beautiful notion! Enrich your marriage and so seek to enrich each other’s souls for the greater glory of God.