Can You See the High Road?

Sometimes life hurts.

Invariably, when I feel hurt, my first impulse is to lash out at whomever I perceive to be the cause of my pain. I’m not consciously trying to punish them; I’m just erupting in reaction to the injury. This doesn’t work very well. Things proceed much more smoothly when I try to find the high road.

As a case in point, I’m working on a volunteer parish project with someone. It’s been clear from the start that I would carry most of the work burden because I have more free time. However, sometimes my associate seems to fall off the digital landscape for days. He doesn’t reply to emails, etc. Today, after a digital absence of a few days, he came back onto the scene and one of the first things he did was tell me that I had made a mistake.

It seems silly now as I write this, but I took it personally and was hurt and angry. If I’d followed my initial impulse I would have lashed out. I would have fired off an email telling him that I couldn’t read his mind and maybe if he had replied to any of my earlier emails in a timely manner, perhaps I wouldn’t have taken that action!

I’ve gotten to the point, though, having learned from my personal history, that lashing out usually results in me having to apologize and then me having to bring my behavior to confession. The injustice of the original event that offended me seems to get lost in my poor reaction to it. Hence, when lashing out is my first instinct, I try to stifle it and pray.

Lord please help me, I hurt. Blessed Mother, Saint Joseph, please be my foster parents today and every day. Please heal the wounds and gaps left by my earthly parents, that I may be whole and serve our Lord wholly today and every day. Please comfort me and lead me to your son. How can I serve Him today? What would He have me do? In praying this, I close my eyes and envision myself as a child climbing into Saint Joseph’s lap. He smiles at me and tenderly kisses my forehead before he places me in our Blessed Mother’s arms. There is a twinkle in the Blessed Mother’s eyes as she lovingly holds my gaze. The twinkle says a lot, but mostly it says, “This, too, will pass, my child.” I rest there with the Blessed Mother as she rocks me until I feel comforted, until I remember that really none of this matters. The only thing that matters is our Lord’s love.

Sometimes I leave prayer with a distinct idea of what action I am supposed to take. Other times I just walk away knowing that I should try to find the high road. Geography is not my strong suit. I often have difficulty finding that high road.

Today, I looked for the high road by examining the interaction I had with my associate. Instead of looking at what he did wrong, I tried to see what I may have done wrong. After all, I can’t control his actions, but I can control mine. I pushed the veil of my emotions aside and I clearly saw that I did make a judgement error and that my associate was right. I sent him a quick email and briefly said, “Sorry. Glad you caught that”.

That was the high road. It was short and sweet and it is done.

I’m not saying that my associate couldn’t have handled things better, and I’m not saying that I won’t talk to him about it later, in person.

I am saying that finding the high road allows me to forgive, to let go, and to move on. Prayer is what gives me the desire to look for the high road. Without prayer I would just lash out or explode (and unfortunately this does still occur at times). I still wish the offending incident hadn’t happened, but given that it did, I am at peace with the way it played out.