After dealing with illness, incidents, accidents and stumbling around in dry desert type life for a month—and no deliverance at times. Resisting sight—finally in obedience, I sat down and said, "Okay Lord, what word do you have for me?” Usually I am given a Scripture—but today, a word enters into my mind. “DEFIANT”
“Defiant, yes Lord, there is some of that in me—yes, I am defiant, angry, disobedient, ‘know better attitude,’ haughty, rebellious—heal me Lord of defiant nature. I am tired of the struggle, Lord, heal me.”
Immediately, my eyes go to the pen my hand is holding, and I am led to give the pen to the left hand—my non-dominant one.*
Doing so, the first words that come is “I can’t.” I am so weak, from coughing and side effect of a heart medicine, that I really felt, “I can’t.”
But, slowly and carefully, haltingly, I write in a child’s ability—“I can’t.” The hand then continued to write—“too little, least or last (youngest of eight), I don’t like being picked on, ignored, left out. One against the world—I will show them!! I will be better than all the rest—the best of the best!!”
Oh, the bright light of enlightenment enters into my spirit as I see the connection, the beginning of ‘defiant one,’ the human spirit that grew stronger every time someone made me feel—'you don't count!'
All these years this defiant spirit has led me to excel, to be loud, to be noticed, to be stressed (yes stressed) as I kept striving to overcome feelings of being less and ignored, left out. It is within all of us—a Defiant and protective human spirit! This spirit/attitude will bring to the surface, “I don’t care what you think!” Angry, retaliating, lashing out, we become the kicking and screaming, cussing, tantrum throwing ADULT all too often. Sullen and harden, deaf and blind to the truth—blocked and closed our mind becomes overzealous, over controlling to prove “I know what I am doing and don’t tell me I don't.” Some even become a dictator, a nice one maybe, but still a dictator who can be found holding a public office.
I then looked up the meaning of defiant and found this defiant; noncompliant, insubordinate; resistant; resistive (disposed to or engaged in defiance of established authority) obstreperous (noisily and stubbornly defiant) recalcitrant (marked by stubborn resistance to authority), difficult; unmanageable (difficult to manage or control), disobedient (not obeying or complying with commands of those in authority),insubordinate (not submissive to authority), intractable (not tractable; difficult to manage or mold), unwilling (not disposed or inclined toward)
If those are not enough, have some more Synonyms from another source. Don't be contumacious or a stubborn mule, read on and see if you recognize some of these within you.
balky, contrary, contumacious, disobedient, forward, incompliant, insubordinate, intractable, obstreperous, rebel, rebellious, recalcitrant, recusant, refractory, restive, ungovernable, unruly, untoward, wayward, willful
noncooperative, uncooperative; insurgent, mutinous; adamant, adamantine, dogged, hardheaded, headstrong, immovable, implacable, inflexible, mulish, negativistic,obdurate, obstinate, opinionated, peevish, pertinacious, pigheaded, rigid, self-willed, stubborn, unbending, uncompromising, unrelenting, unyielding; fractious, restive, uncontrollable, unmanageable, wild; perverse, resistant, wrongheaded; bad, disorderly, errant, misbehaving, mischievous, monkeying, monkeyish, naughty; undisciplined; dissident, nonconformist; discourteous, disrespectful, ill-bred, ill-mannered, ill-natured, impertinent, impolite, impudent, inconsiderate, insolent, ornery, rude, uncivil, uncouth, ungracious, unmannerly
Needless to say, I know in all of my 67 years of life—at least 95 percent of this type of behavior has shown up. How about you? Defiant? I defy you to deny it!
But there is new life, new direction to go after you admit you are a wounded child who has become more than defiant at times. Redirect, by the grace of God, with prayer and obedience: and led by your desire to have an abundant life of joy and peace—become a humble servant. With eyes wide open, heart wide open see the need, the same hurt, in the battered and rejected; in the lost and in those greatly needing the same understanding of “what is wrong with me?” Seek, find, and ask. Receive and give—knock till the doors open. All are defiant for a reason—just like you and me. Go and be His Love that heals!
*(using your non-dominant hand to write was suggested by professional counselor, to help bring to the surface, the hurts of the inner child or the past.)