The Implicit Meaning

Following up on my article on modesty, I’m going to discuss another very important issue of dating: the issue of “saving yourself”.  Now, we all know that this can be an interesting and tense discussion.  I personally haven’t had to go through this yet, so this is more of the meat of the matter, rather than the how-to guide.

First, I want to clear up some verbiage issues.  If a man says to his girl that he’s “willing to wait” till marriage, that really means that he will wait if she wants, but it’s also cool if she doesn’t want to either.  That really means he doesn’t truly respect her wishes but is fine with putting up with them if that's what it takes to keep her.

In my humble opinion, that’s actually a form of cowardice.  He takes no firm stand on the issue, preferring instead to vacillate according to her desires.  I am not saying that it is always cowardice for a man to do what his woman wants.  However, he provides no firm direction to follow, and she does not know whether her chastity is as precious to him as it is to her.  In marriage and, I would argue, any good relationship, the man ought to take a leadership role in important matters of morals.  After all, his job is to lead his family, and the woman he wants to be the heart of that family, to heaven.  

One author said men who are “willing to wait” aren’t really chaste, but only act as if they are, for the sake of keeping the relationship.  Chastity is not some prudish virtue left over from the past.  Rather, it is the most authentic expression of love there is.  Chastity is a virtue that is to be practiced according to one’s state in life.  Yes, even married couples practice chastity!  For me, chastity means abstinence for two reasons: a) I’m not married, and b) sex is the total giving of one to another, which is a lie if not done within the context of valid marriage.  The same author writes, “[A] man who would forsake virtue (his or mine) if only I gave him permission is a man whose standards are too low.”  Unfortunately, this scenario is too often true.  What a lot of men today do not realize is how unfair they are being to their beloved by having sex before marriage.  A man “willing to wait” is the man who dates a girl for other reasons, while she happens to practice chastity, while the man who “is waiting” is a man who values his beloved’s chastity for its true worth.

Doesn’t this mean that the time before marriage is bleak and boring?  Absolutely not!  There are many chaste ways to spend time with your beloved that do not have to be boring!  Babysitting together, going on picnics, a nice day fishing (that’s more for me, but…), going to the gym, and taking kickboxing lessons are all fun ways to have a good time without going too far.  

People fall into sin all the time, and we shouldn’t judge people based on their past.  Just because somebody fell doesn’t mean that they can’t have a second chance, or cannot be in a chaste relationship.  Oftentimes, the grace of a good confession and the development of a strong prayer life can give them the strength they need to persevere in virtue.

I know this is shorter than what I usually write, but that’s what happens when the truth is plainly observable…but yet ignored.  I could go into the medical and psychological benefits of premarital chastity and abstinence, but I like to think there are still men (and women) left in the world willing to do something because it is honorable, and not merely because it is physically beneficial.  Finally, just in case anybody has some weird ideas, I want to be completely clear: I am waiting.