Sorting Issues With Sexual Sin

INTRODUCTION

Sexual sin, in all its forms, whether that be premarital intercourse, masturbation, pornography, entertaining impure thoughts etc. is becoming more and more common, especially among the younger generations. It is consuming the minds and bodies of the young, causing them to be so blinded by it that they fail to see many of the unspoken consequences of sexual sin. The media love to emphasise this idealistic “glamourous” and “pleasurable” experience that relates to sexual sin, distorting sexuality to the point where many people become confused about what it actually means to be a man and to be a woman. It has become so bad that chastity and purity of heart is “not cool” because it is said to be “too traditional” and “old-fashioned”, but this is why we have so many problems – teenage pregnancy – “children having children”, the spread of STDs and other illnesses, and, as usual, the stuff that’s not mentioned – the emotional and psychological impairment it has on a person – where your thinking becomes about how good a commodity the other person is to you!

So, with all that going on, there are a lot of resources for those who wish to stay “pure” and who have steered clear from sexual sin as much as possible, and so have not crossed “the line”, but what about for those who have and wish to turn back? Well, here’s a little guide that I hope will help those wanting to come home to God, into His loving, kind and merciful arms, even after sexual sin.

REALISING WHAT IS GOING ON

The first step to healing from sin, especially sexual sin, which forms soul ties, emotional bonds and the like, is to realise that what you are doing is committing sexual sin. So, whether it be that you’re having premarital intercourse, watching pornography, masturbating, or entertaining impure thoughts, you need to realise that it is wrong. If the decision is not life-giving, it is death-tolling, and if it is death-tolling, then it is most certainly sinful.

FIGURING OUT THE MOTIVATIONS

OK, so now you know you’re committing sexual sin. The question you need to figure out the answer to is WHY? – Why are you committing sexual sin? What is the void in your life causing you to give in to your emotions and commit sexual sin? Is it that you seek affection or to be loved? Are you lonely? Are you tired and in a semi-dream state, while surrounded by an over-sexualised society, making you more prone to falling into sexual sin?

THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM

When do you fall into sexual sin? Is it a particular situation? When with certain friends? At night time? After watching a particular TV programme? Evaluate when you fall into sexual sin and try to avoid those situations by either steering clear from them, or else be extra vigilant and on your guard, praying for God’s grace to help you to stay away from sexual sin in those situations.

Try to identify EXACTLY what it is that leads you into sexual sin. This is the root of the problem which needs to be solved. Often counselling will treat symptoms, and then you fall back into the same sins again and again. What you need to do is treat the root of the problem. If you’re looking for affection, start thinking how you can find it by not committing sexual sin – perhaps you can join a club or activity in Church and get to know your Church family!

BE FIRM IN YOUR RESOLUTION...AND SEEK HELP TO KEEP IT

Once you have identified the problem, make a resolution not to commit the sexual sin again. Be firm in your resolution, and receive the sacraments regularly. Go to Confession. Be reconciled with God (2 Cor 5:20). Seek help to keep your resolution. If you have a close friend of the same gender as you, talking to them about your fears, feelings, what’s going on can help. Otherwise, if you seek a counsellor or therapist, try, as far as possible, to have a Catholic one, or at least Christian, because that way, at least the advice you are given should be in accordance with that which will not go against the faith (hopefully).

TRUST IN GOD...AND HIS MERCY

Psalm 145:9 says, “The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works” so trust in God’s mercy. At the end of the day, we are all sinners, and we all have our weaknesses. If yours is sexual sin, it only makes you human, but do not make committing sexual sin a norm, which is what society has done. Instead, trusting in God’s mercy, and in His grace, believe that even though you may have done things in the past, God has already forgiven you. Jesus said, “I, the Lord, search the heart” (Jeremiah 17:10) and He knows that you want to overcome your weakness, so trust that He knows and loves you unconditionally.

BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF...YOU WILL NEED TIME

If Jesus can fall three times on the Way of the Cross and get back up again, so can you! Follow Jesus’ example! The only difference is that He didn’t sin. But, as humans, we do. So, when you fall, trust in God to give you the grace, the strength and the courage to GET UP again. Just think of how Jesus said to Jairus’ daughter, “Talitha koum”, which means, “Little girl, GET UP” (Mark 5:21-43). Be patient, because you will need time to overcome sexual sin. Our sex drives are naturally very strong, and instinctively, we will desire to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), but that is for those called to the vocation of Marriage. Otherwise, you need to avoid sexual activity. Offer it up to God.

PRAY, PRAY, AND PRAY

“Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find…” (Mt 7:7) – If you don’t ask for God’s grace to help you, and you don’t seek it out, well, you can’t really expect to find it! You will need to really pray for God’s grace to be chaste and avoid sexual sin. You may even wish to pray to break soul ties. Negative relationships don’t come from God, and they are not life-giving, so it is important to break soul ties so that they don’t end up allowing sin to consume you.

LET GOD WORK THROUGH YOU

At the end of the day, we are all human, YOU INCLUDED. So, once you’ve done all you can, and you really keep doing your best to avoid sexual sin, then just let God do the rest of the work. Maybe one day, when you have overcome it, and are stronger and more self-aware, and know the struggles yourself, you can help someone else who is struggling. Try to think of every situation as an opportunity for service to God, and to His people – your brothers and sisters in Christ. Remember, “God works with those who love Him…and will turn all to their good” (Romans 8:28).