Cold Shoulder Catholicism
We live in a world that seems to be self-destructing. War is breaking out on a daily basis. Our faith is being attacked on many fronts. The media is bombarding us with increasingly permissive ideas on what is acceptable. Promiscuity has gone to new lows. The world is constantly pushing us to redefine marriage, family, and sexuality.
In the midst of this, I wonder: How are we supposed to teach our children our faith? How are we supposed to ground them on biblical principles? How do we convince them of the absolute truths of Catholic teaching? It seems the harder we try, the harder the world pulls at them.
I wish I could share “Five Easy Steps to Keeping Your Children Catholic,” or “Ten Simple Ways of Assuring Your Children Never Let Go of Faith.” If you find a book like that, please try their suggestions, and let me know your results. I’m not saying the books don’t exist or the methods don’t work. What I am saying is that this is not an easy job. I know parents who have children living strong, Christian lives. I also know many wonderful, faithful Christian parents whose children have chosen to walk away from their parents’ faith and all Church-related living. There doesn’t seem to be any clear-cut way of parenting that will assure us of a perfect outcome.
What I would like to share, however, are some things I have observed that will at least help our children when it comes to making the faith their own.
1. Be the parent, not the friend.
I have witnessed so many moms and dads trying to be their kids’ BFF, and not their parent. All children, from the time they learn to say the word, “No!” need someone to set the boundaries. They need someone to teach them to be honest, polite, respectful, and kind. They need someone to say, “Lights out!” when it’s bedtime. They need someone to be the rule maker.
I’m not telling you to be a dictator. I guess what I’m really trying to communicate is that our homes are not democracies. Of course, as your children get older, it is a good idea to listen to their concerns and input. In the end, though, you need to be the parent. They will have plenty of friends throughout their lifetime, but you will always be their parent.
2. Model what you want them to live.
If you want them to dress modestly, then dress modestly. If you want them to be faithful to the Church, then go to Mass. Moms, if you want your son to treat women with respect, then speak respectfully to your husband. Dads, if you want your daughters to be loving wives, then show love and appreciation to your wife. (Those two principles may seem backward, but trust me on this one.) If you don’t want them to be party animals, then teach them how to have fun in other ways. It is possible!
3. Make your faith a priority.
Okay, I already addressed this in #2, right? Well, yes and no.
Going to Mass is wonderful. Being involved in your parish is great. Encouraging your kids to participate in faith-based activities is terrific. But there is so much more!
The old saying, “The family that prays together stays together” seems trite. Reading the Bible together seems boring. I have learned from experience, though, that neither of these is trite or boring. The more you know how to pray as a family, the less you will struggle when tough times come. And believe me, those times will come. If you have spent time praying with your children throughout their lives, it will be a natural response to pray with them when they face challenges.
If you are intimidated by reading the Bible together, read the daily Mass readings together. (The USCCB website is a great resource. Click on the calendar, and you will be taken to the daily readings, as well as being offered links for reflections on the readings, and other helpful tools.)
Show your children how important your faith is by living it out in your home, as well as in your community. Let your life be a reflection of what your mouth professes.
Don’t let Mass attendance be an option.
Encourage them to pray about their vocation. Introduce them to all the options: married life, single life, priesthood, and religious life. Help them see that making money is not our goal as Christians. Our goal is to honor God by following His direction in our lives.
Make sure they understand the Sacraments they have/will receive. Don’t leave it up to your parish school, religious education department, or priest to give them all the facts. Again, if you feel a bit intimidated, go online. (A great resource I’ve found is The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament website, which has some great links for parents.)
In St. Peter's first letter, he wrote:
“For we did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. [Emphasis mine.] For when he received honor and glory from God the Father and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,” we heard this voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on the holy mountain.” (I Peter 1:16-18)
When Jesus was preparing His followers for his death and resurrection, He took Peter, James and John to the mountain. There, He revealed His majesty to them.
Give your children the same gift. Take them before the Blessed Sacrament, and let them see His majesty. Take them to Mass and let them experience His love in the Eucharist. Encourage them to go to reconciliation and experience the freedom of confessing sin and hearing the words, “God the Father of Mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has brought forgiveness of sin to the world. Through the ministry of the Church, I grant you pardon and absolution for your sin in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” *
4. Make memories.
This may seem like a no-brainer to some, but it really goes beyond taking a yearly vacation. Memories are made every day. The quick trip to the park. The last-minute pickup game of basketball. The father/daughter date. The times of sharing and laughter around the dinner table. Those silly moments of singing along with the radio.
I know sports are really important in many families. I know dance, gymnastics, and other activities keep many families constantly on the run. Please, please, please listen to me on this one, though: DO NOT make activities the priority of your family. They do provide opportunities for bonding, but often not with their parents. Make family time at least once a week, so that your children know you as their parent, not as their coach or chauffeur.
Another hint: Take lots of pictures. My sons will tell you they hate that I take so many pictures. But when it comes to talking about family memories, they LOVE looking at the pictures!
Of course, these are only a few suggestions. Entrust yourselves and children to their Father and the Blessed Mother. They will give you the strength you need to stand strong.
Parenting is not for the weak of heart, my friends. Let’s run to the battle!
*If your kids are a bit resistant to the idea of confession, check out this article: http://catholicteenapologetics.com/tag/what-does-the-priest-say-in-confession/