10 Best Practices If You Want Your Engagement to Build A Strong Marriage

1 - Plan the details together - from flowers and theme and invitations to cake tastings and guest lists, I guarantee, your early marriage will be VERY strong if you take advantage of this opportunity to do what you will do a lot in marriage - distinguish between preferences and needs.

2 - Go on a "Final Date" the week OF your wedding. Yeah, I said it. Imagine how hectic it will be, arranging out-of-town guests, final details, and getting everywhere on time. Yep, taking a break from it all, reserving a block of 3 hours with only each other, and a rule to NOT discuss the wedding, guarantees a rewarding refresher that simply refocuses what all the busyness boils down to - your love.

3 - Limit Your Budget. Emory University shows why in this article, and the cheater's version is this - surrounding yourselves on your wedding day by a community of all those you love matters a lot more than you might think matters about the centerpieces, flowers, or chair covers.

Completely honest here, I have cried, reduced to tears, grieving the upcoming union of a couple planning to marry in the Church in Northern Virginia, with a $40,000 budget. The father of the bride shared that it was likely going to cost more because the bride wanted to add some ice sculptures. What made me cry was that the bride-to-be's marriage was not yet annulled, and they weren't going through pre-cana yet, so they clearly weren't meeting with a priest at the time.

Spend less. Invite 150-200 people! Have a blast with family and friends, and minimize the importance of details. This is sage advice that will directly affect your marriage.

4 - Plan at least three service dates during your engagement. While preparing for marriage, it is of course important to remember that marriage is not just a covenant that feeds two people - the love which God calls those to the vocation of matrimony is a cup that is overflowing and pouring God's love into the world. So pray together about a charity to serve at least three times before you are married. A shelter for those experiencing homelessness, a St. Vincent de Paul pantry, Catholic Charities Thrift Shop, you name it. My diocese actually has a young adult volunteer page. Start there. See if your diocese does too!

5 - More Kissing, Less Talking. Sometimes, the interruption of a loving kiss is just what's needed to break the tension of whatever wedding planning challenges have arisen. Then take a deep breath, and pray. Then make a decision together, and back each other up. This is great preparation for marriage.

6 - Get three quotes every time. Decision-making requires gathering information. When married, it's important to weigh several options over a mortgage, a school, or a new job. Moderation is the virtue that is less consumer centered on wants and more person centered on needs. What do we need? Music for guests to dance. Just visit two other options before choosing the snazzy live band.

7 - Ask a priest. Usually, it's the person guiding you through pre-cana, but a parish priest will usually make some time. Discuss the things that come up during wedding planning, guest lists, and party planning. When family is involved, a fresh perspective from a priest whose desire is to point you to unity and away from division.

8 - Continue to discern. You are not married yet. During seminary, the Church calls Seminarians to continually discern their call. This discernment should be no less important during engagement.

9 - Keep to the mission. Pope Francis has a knack for saying it better than I do, "Are we prepared to seriously accept this responsibility, which is that every marriage follows the path of love which Christ has with the Church?"

10 - Read the scripture on the wedding at Cana in the Gospel of John chapter 2, read it often. Ask Christ and His Mother to be your wedding planners. Their goal in being the go-to experts on marriage is for your discernment and call to unity that will lead you to bring each other to Heaven.