I’ve posted this essay many times over the years. And because of the irrational responses to the latest SCOTUS decision, I must post it again, for I cannot fathom the devilish – that is the only reasonable word for it – the devilish response of so many mothers who demand – DEMAND – the right to kill their babies in the womb. I cannot wrap my mind around women who amputate their God-designed reflex to nurture and protect their child. Such a psychotic response as we are seeing is nothing less than Satanic in origin and in its perpetuation.
My abortion was a sentinel event in my life. A hideous and defining blight on my past. But – But God's response to my repentance illustrates the magnitude of God’s grace, love, and forgiveness.
That is why, to this day, more than 50 years since I drove my girlfriend to the abortion clinic in NYC, I also say with the apostle Paul, “It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. 16 Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life. (1 Timothy 1:15-16)
Has it really been more than 50 years since I killed my baby? It seems like only last week. I remember what my girlfriend wore when I drove her to the clinic, where I parked the car, how many dimes I dropped into the parking meter . . . .
1967. Six years before the US Supreme Court legalized abortion in all 50 states. New York was one of a few states in which abortion was legal. I was 17, my girlfriend, 18. Both of us, I told myself, were too young to bear the responsibilities of a baby.
"What do you mean, you're pregnant?" I asked when she returned from the doctor’s office. I knew she expected me to propose marriage.
Instead, I talked her into having an abortion.
It was easy to suggest that alternative. I chose to believe our baby was only a glob of cells growing in her womb. I chose to believe Judith had the right to choose what to do with her own body, and that every baby should be a wanted baby. I embraced every excuse I’d ever heard because each one freed me of my obligation to Judith and to our child. A few months after the abortion, my girlfriend and I went our separate ways.
Today, my son or daughter would be more than fifty years old. Perhaps she would be a teacher. Or a physician. Or a musician. Or a . . . Perhaps I would be a grandfather.
But there is no ‘perhaps.’ I can never turn back the clock and silence the lies and excuses that over-ruled my conscience.
I lived with the ache of what I’d done for many years, until I found solace in Christ’s forgiveness, and hope in Scripture’s promises. Two in particular brought me peace: “If we acknowledge our sins, he is trustworthy and upright, so that he will forgive our sins and will cleanse us from all evil” (1 John 1:9); and, “in [Christ], through his blood, we gain our freedom, the forgiveness of our sins. Such is the richness of the grace which he has showered on us . . .” (Ephesians 1:7, 8). Because of God's promises, I could rest in the assurance that God forgave me for killing my baby, although my terrible sadness lingered.
Oh, what solace that realization provides to this very day; God forgives me.
Reader, Christian or not – let my words please serve as a beacon to God's promises: Nothing we’ve done is beyond God’s forgiveness.
God always forgives the truly penitent. Bring your sins – whatever they are – to the foot of Christ’s bloody cross, and be washed in the blood of the Lamb.