Judas Did Not Have to Be Remembered as the Betrayer: A Personal Reflection on Free Will

By Melayna Alicea

We all know the ending of Judas. He committed suicide after betraying Jesus. We also all have likely seen images of Judas in Hell or Dante's depiction of Judas in the deepest depth of Hell, where the betrayers go. 

I’ve often struggled with this imagery and reality of Judas’ seeming destiny to end as the betrayer of Jesus. This has led to internal questions like:

Why did God create Judas in the first place?
Why did Jesus call Judas to follow him?
Was Judas just destined to be the betrayer?
….You get the idea.

Now, I want to be very clear that I am not here to give you a clear theological answer to this dilemma, rather, I want to share a personal reflection I had in prayer that helped me to reconcile some of these questions, and how we can apply this reflection to our own lives.

We are all created out of love. We are all desired, willed, wanted, and destined for greatness. No one is truly destined for evil, punishment, etc. However, through our own choices, our own free will (for love cannot be real if it is not offered out of free will), we often choose to turn away from goodness and choose evil.

We are all sinners. At every moment, we have the opportunity to choose Heaven or Hell. As sinners, we often choose the latter, but through God’s infinite mercy, we can always turn back and choose Heaven. 

Peter chose evil when he denied Jesus. 

St. Augustine chose evil for the majority of his young adult life. 

St. Monica chose evil when she gave in to her alcoholic tendencies. 

I choose evil when I give in to my vices. 

You choose evil when you fall into sin. 

Judas chose evil when he betrayed Jesus. 

But, here’s where the narrative changes…

Peter chose Heaven when he returned to Jesus, said he loved Him three times, became the first Pope, brought hundreds of people to Christ through his discipleship, and was ultimately martyred for his faith.

St. Augustine chose Heaven when he picked up the Bible, changed his ways, became a bishop, and wrote down his testimony and revelations (which are still bringing people to Christ today).

St. Monica chose Heaven when she fought against her vices, prayed unceasingly for her son and husband, and was a living witness of God’s persistent love.

I choose Heaven when I go to reconciliation, receive the sacraments, integrate time for prayer and a relationship with God, and model what Godly motherhood looks like for my family.

You choose Heaven when you repent, obey God’s will, and bring others closer to Him through your words and example.

Judas decided to not choose Heaven. 

His story did not have to end the way it did. He did not have to be known as the betrayer. 

Peter is not known as The Denier.

Augustine is not known as The Adulterer.

St. Monica is not known as The Alcoholic. 

I don’t have to be known for my sins.

You don’t have to be known for your vices.

Judas could have chosen to come back. He could have chosen to repent. Judas could have been a greater saint than Peter. He would have had the most incredible testimony. But that is not how he chose his story to end. 

I don’t know about you, but this reality brings a sort of solemn hope to me. 

Solemn because I grieve for Judas and all the other Judases out there who felt so lost that they chose to believe death (physical and spiritual) was their only destiny.

Hope because I know that God does not create any of us for the sake of grief. He can use our sinfulness for good. (Judas’ sin ultimately resulted in the salvation of mankind.) When we sin, He is always waiting for us, like the father in the Prodigal Son Parable, with open arms ready to run, embrace us, and bring us home.

He is always waiting for us to offer up our brokenness, so he can make us whole and form us into the great saints we are all called to be.