A Modern Socratic Dialogue: An Introduction

Socrates wakes up from his hemlock-induced sleep, to find himself standing alongside a rural tree-lined road in middle America, probably around spring.  Completely confused and lost, he begins walking.  Soon he spies a rusty old pickup truck driven by a rusty old man.  As he approaches, the man rolls down the window.

Driver: Pardon me, but Halloween was either a few months in the past, or is a few months in the future depending on how you want to think about it.

Socrates: Halloween?

Driver: Sure!  There ain’t many kids in this area, but there are a few who dress up and go to the farms asking for donuts and candy.

Socrates: Indeed, and are these children happy?

Driver: Well, they are for a while, until their little tummies get sick and hurt for a bit.  But they’re kids…they bounce right back.  Wish I was still like that!  Anyway, you must be a complete stranger to not know about Halloween or anything and still be dressed like that.  Who are you?

Socrates: I spent a lifetime trying to discover that, and got killed for it.  I am Socrates.

Driver: Pleased to know you, Socrates.  I’m Ralph.  Where are you headed?

Socrates: I am not quite sure.  Wherever I am, I am already there.

Ralph (scratches head): Well, that must mean something, I reckon.  Hop in the truck and I’ll take you to my place.  The wife will fix us some grub.

Socrates:  Thank you for your hospitality!

Socrates opens the door of the truck, and several cigarette butts and Moon Pie cartons (unsponsored ad) blow out and down the road.

Ralph: Where are you from, Socrates?

Socrates: I was born in Athens a very long time ago, and spent my life seeking wisdom. Accused by the ignorant, who were frightened of my beliefs, I was forced to commit suicide by drinking hemlock juice.  But now I have been brought back.  I am not sure why.

Ralph (slams on brakes): You mean you’re the Socrates?  The guy who ran around naked asking everyone questions?

Socrates: I wasn’t always naked; only when my wife hid my clothes.  But yes, I found that the best way to discover knowledge was to ask questions of those who claimed to have it.

Ralph: Well, here we are at my farm.  Come in, and I’ll introduce you to my wife.

Socrates: But first, a question.  I have not had the chance to ask, but what is this vehicle?

Ralph: It’s a truck.  You’ve never seen one, right?

Socrates (smiling good-naturedly): I have only woken up in the past hour.  That is a safe assumption.  What is its purpose?

Ralph: Well, around here we use it to haul tools and supplies around the farm.  We also use it to go to town and church, and I think that’s just about it.

Socrates: I see.  And does its use make your life easier?

Ralph: Well, that all depends.  Sometimes she breaks down…

Socrates: She?

Ralph: Yup.  For some reason, we call most vehicles “she”.  I guess it's because they’re sort of like a mother taking care of those who use them or something.

Socrates: I see.

Ralph: But like I was saying, as long as the truck runs great, my work runs pretty smooth, and I guess it makes life easier.

Socrates: An interesting vehicle and an interesting proposition!  I shall have to ponder both some more.  I do not mean to seem forward, but did you not mention something about food in connection with your wife?

Ralph: I certainly did!

They walk inside the old farmhouse kitchen, where Ralph’s wife has got all the burners of the stove going.  Some have frying pans, some have pots.  As soon as they sniff the air, both Ralph and Socrates get huge grins on their faces.

Ralph: Honey, turn around and meet history!  Socrates, meet my wife Lorraine.

Lorraine: Socrates?  The man who got killed for asking people questions?

Socrates: Goodness!  Is that the only thing people remember about me?

Lorraine: Oh I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean it that way, I just…well…are you really Socrates?

Socrates: Yes, I am.  After drinking the hemlock, I thought I had died.  Apparently, I have been brought back for some purpose.  I only hope to discover that purpose and fulfill it.

Lorraine: We’ve never had anyone famous here before!  Ralph, take Socrates into the living room.  You boys make yourselves comfortable.  I’ll let you know when lunch is served.

Socrates and Ralph go into the other room.  Ralph sits in his easy chair, and Socrates tries the couch.  All of a sudden, he jumps up and runs to the bookshelf.

Ralph: What the dickens?

Socrates: Books!  And by Plato, my pupil!  (He opens one, the Phaedo.)  Well, this is fitting.

Ralph: What?

Socrates: After being identified as the guy who got killed for asking questions, I open to one of my pupil’s works that puts me on my deathbed.  The gods do indeed have a sense of humor.

Ralph chuckles quietly, then gets a puzzled look on his face.

Ralph: Gods?

Socrates: Yes, I was brought up believing in the whole Pantheon on Olympus.  It never made much sense to me.  I began to reason to one god, though I knew him not.  That is why the people of Athens brought impiety charges against me.

Ralph: Interesting.  Many today believe in one God.  I can’t tell you much about it.  I was raised believing that, and no other view made much sense, so I never thought about it much.

Socrates: How can you hold a position that you have not investigated?

Ralph: Some of us aren’t philosophers, Socrates.  My two sons will be coming home from school for a few days.  If you’d like to stay and talk to them, you can.  They’re both philosophers: one believes in God, and one believes in no God.

Socrates: I shall certainly stay, and when they return, we will investigate this monotheistic belief much further.