Love and Mercy

Receiving Holy Communion is a very intimate moment because Jesus unites Himself with us: body, blood, soul, and divinity.  I had received the Eucharist so many times with no real understanding of what was going on, and when God did reveal some understanding, then I cried and the only thing I could think of was, "Jesus loves me. Jesus forgives me."  I received the Eucharist in my hand and before putting the Host in my mouth, I felt all the love and mercy that came in the Host, and my hands started to shake.  I was really overwhelmed with love and mercy. 

When I was taking RCIA classes, the priest told us to imagine ourselves as sheep and in the presence of Jesus.  I imagined myself as a sheep in the lap of Jesus with one of His arms under my chin and His other arm rubbing my back.  I was in so much peace, comfort, and I felt protected.  I still imagine myself like that, not as a sheep anymore, but as myself and I'm kneeling in front of Jesus with my head in His lap.  I actually feel strengthened after I leave from resting in His lap.  After God had revealed some understanding of how intimate Jesus becomes with us through Holy Communion, and then me crying, I felt strengthened just like I do when I'm resting in His lap.  Every time that God has revealed some understanding about some thing or some one in my life it is an intimate,  yet powerful and moving, moment.  My reassurance of all is that God is never far from me and I am always in His providential care.  Even though I am upset or ashamed of myself - God has revealed love, mercy, and has strengthened my faith through small, intimate moments with Jesus - those moments put conviction in my steps. 

I am currently reading Lily of the Mohawks: The Story of St. Kateri, and even though the pages are filled with moments that I could relate to - all that we are faced with in our relationship with Jesus - there were a couple moments that really stood out to me.  The first is, "This young warrior came upon the Jesuits at their mission in Quebec and listened intently as they taught about God in the Algonquin language. His heart burned with desire to learn more as he listened to the twice-daily lessons of the Jesuits and spent time in the chapel in meditation. He said to Fr. Le Juene that there must be a great workman behind even the simple concept of a hand's ability to open and close.

     The preknowledge of God that this warrior exhibited is explained in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 35:

Man's faculties make him capable of coming to a knowledge of the existence of a personal God. But for man to be able to enter into real intimacy with him, God willed both to reveal himself to man and to give him the grace of being able to welcome this revelation in faith. The proofs of God's existence, however, can predispose one to faith and help one to see that faith is not opposed to reason."

God wants to show us that He loves us, He chose us, and He wants us to know how intimate having a relationship with Him, but having an intimate relationship with someone is powerful because it changes people.  God doesn't want to change us, but transform us into His children.  The more that I started to seek God, the more love He was revealing to me.  I would tell God that I didn't deserve all of that love because of all the bad things that I did.  I knew God loved me, but I had not experienced how intimate that He does until He revealed His love through the Blessed Virgin Mary and the passion of Jesus. 

I started to go to the Stations of the Cross and that is where He chose to reveal the intimacy of His love for me.  It began in the First Station - Christ is condemned to death - and all I could think about was the Blessed Virgin Mary through every station.  I was just overwhelmed with God's love for every one through all that Jesus had suffered during His passion, and God revealed the Blessed Virgin Mary's love for Him in her sorrow as she watched.  God had revealed the intimacy of His love for all through the Stations,  and I could not use my voice to pray because I was weeping on the inside - it felt like my heart was breaking for Jesus and His mother - at the same time His love was their strength. The Blessed Virgin Mary did not object to the will of God through any of it.  She didn't tell Jesus to give up, instead she followed Him, stood beside Him, walked beside Him, and knelt beneath Him - that's her love for me also.  That's the love God wants us to know.

The second moment that stood out to me while reading Lily of the Mohawks, was, "The Jesuit Relations records an incident of a Huron Christian woman, a captive of six years, waiting outside of a village for the priest to arrive so he could baptize her small child. Her words expressed the collective feeling of the Christians living among the Iroquois when she said, "Your coming makes us glad in our inmost souls; our smallest children are so rejoiced that they begin to grow before our eyes; and even those not yet born leap with joy in their mothers' wombs, and wish to come forth at the earliest moment to be blessed in seeing you."

That is similar to one of my favorite scripture passages - Luke 1:41-44: When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice and said, "Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy."  

That's how I feel when I see a priest.  Priests have the image of Jesus in them and the Holy Spirit is felt in their presence.  All the priests that I have met so far have brought Jesus down to a personal and accessible level for me, yet they have raised my spirit toward heaven.  God works in the most amazing ways through priests.  There have been so many moments of mercy that God gave me, but the most intimate moment of mercy came through Confession.  I've confessed to my priest for the past few years, but when I first started to confess with him I would imagine him on the other side of the panel shaking his head as he listened to me confess the same sin over and over and over.  When God had revealed His mercy, I couldn't help but cry.  During that confession, I closed the door and knelt, but before I even started to confess - God revealed Jesus to me in the confessional.  Throughout my confession my voice was shaky because God revealed that I wasn't just kneeling in a room, telling my sins to a priest on the other side of the panel - I was kneeling in the presence of Jesus!  How could Jesus want to be in the same room as me, listen to my sins, and then forgive me?  Because He loves me no matter what - He died for me.  When He was hanging on the cross, He thought of me and I was worth that death.  That was the most intimate moment of mercy that God has revealed to me and since then confession has never been the same. It's been so much more!

I believe that trusting God is shown by us when we enter the dark tunnel not knowing when we will see the Light at the end, but in our faith we know there is one because God allowed us to wander into the tunnel.  With all that God reveals to us, that is His trust in us.  Most of the time I am in awe of how amazing that is - but I have had moments of, "God, do You really trust me this much?"  The greatest thing about God revealing love and mercy is that it's not just for me, but always for someone else too.  Another is that love and mercy are never separated, they come together.  There is also so much temptation to sin and lately it seems to have increased; but I pray the Hail Mary and by the time I finish my mind is already thinking of God's love. Prayer is so important for us. Through love amd mercy God transforms us.

Please pray for all who are battling an addiction. The addiction affects the whole family.

Please pray for all the grandmas that are taking care of their grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren - they are true examples of love and mercy.

Please keep Father Chuck in your prayers, tomorrow he will celebrate his 54th year of his profession of vows.