Who can I tell?

Who can I tell?

I got home a little late this evening after assisting at Holy Mass.  Sleep is what I need after experiencing something I didn’t understand.  It was my first time to function as an altar server and the priest I served with was friendly, making me feel comfortable and not scolding me for the few mistakes I made.  After Mass  we cleared the vessels used for mass and made certain to close the church and got ready to leave.  It was then that everything became strange and what followed frightened me and even now I don't want to go back to church and even school since both are part of the same system.

The priest before allowing me to leave came over and unzipped his pants exposing himself and asked me to touch him.  He said it was part of getting to know each other and since he was the pastor of the parish I needed to listen to him and it would be ok.  After that incident I left and now perhaps what occurred I can sleep it away as if it didn’t happen.  I was afraid to tell my parents since their friendship with the pastor appeared to be above all questions.

Early the next morning my mother awakened me and the thought of what happened last evening was the first image that came to me.  My feeling of guilt had to be put away from my memory and thought if I said anything I might be punished by the priest and then my parents.  

As I reflect on this terrible experience and fearful of what I did was my fault.  The incident went on as long as I was a member of that parish.  It’s been 20 years and now I have to come forth and accuse this priest and the fear he instilled in me.  

Who am I?  One of hundreds and maybe thousands of young boys who became the object of one or more priests with a desire to satisfy their craving for sex with a defenseless child who didn’t know or understand why they picked on me and others like me.  Who can I tell was the first thought because of fear.  

It seems that boys are not the only young adolescents being abused.  Girls also became the targets of men and women, mostly men, that end up being raped and unfortunately many losing their lives through the most sadistic minds of people who brag about being God-minded and are Satanically led.  In the past girls who were raped were convinced to remain quiet and as was noted the law and the courts took a dim view.  Many young women still live with the statistics that they are 2nd class citizens and the diminished rhetoric that women are just pawns for evil men.

I don’t personally know any women in this category, but am knowledgeable regarding boys who were abused and am familiar with priests who are pedifiles.  I was shocked when the numbers came out naming the priests of Pittsburgh who were accused.  I knew some from my home parish, and worked alongside several at Mass.  The shock hurt me as well as the rest of the church.  Being ordained with the same sacrament (Holy Orders) I with many priests were hit in the stomach like a punching bag.  I often wonder if the pedafiles had any inkling towards going against the Sacrament of forgiving the hurting millions or was it all a farce that is Satanic in nature.  Much of the turning away from church and unfortunately placing the love of God somewhere else has to take the blame of this evil.  If we once thought that we as humans would face an enemy from without, we are now realizing the real enemy has come via the Roman collar and all who function as Roman Catholic clergy are the scourge in their minds.  We who are clergy carry the grace of God and must continue to reach the poor and those who are the disenfranchised.  As hard as it may seem, Jesus told his followers and especially his apostles;  “All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.”  (Mt. 28: 18 - 20).  The Church has not failed, just a small remnant        

of disbelievers who were captured by the enemy whose mission is to defeat God’s plan of redemption.

Only those men who were abused know how they felt then and even more now since they have carried this scourge hidden deep within their persona.  All I can say is it will be better to tell someone and relieve the pressure as it was not your fault.  You have nothing to fear anymore.  

Ralph B. Hathaway