When the Gentle St. Francis de Sales Directly Opposed His Father’s Urgent Demand

When Jesus comes to divide a father and a son

What exactly does it mean to abandon oneself to God and His will? What does that look like if our parents desire something different for our vocation?

Can we ever know God’s will?

You might be amazed at the story of how St. Francis de Sales, known for his gentleness, firmly disagreed with his own father over an important matter early in his priesthood.

St. Francis was born into a noble family in the Duchy of Savoy in 1567. His father, François de Sales, had high hopes for his son and wanted him to pursue a career in law and politics. However, Francis had other plans. He felt a strong calling to enter the priesthood and dedicate his life to spreading the Catholic faith.

In 1593, Francis was ordained a priest and was assigned to a mission in the Chablais region on the south shore of Lake Geneva. This area had become heavily influenced by Calvinism, a Protestant movement that rejected many Catholic beliefs and practices. Francis saw this as an opportunity to bring the Catholic faith back to the people of the Chablais.

However, Francis's decision to enter the mission did not sit well with his father. François de Sales was a staunch Catholic and had always encouraged his son's religious devotion, but he did not want him to risk his life by entering such a dangerous mission. The Chablais was controlled by Calvinist authorities who were hostile to Catholicism, and the missionaries who had previously attempted to work in the area had been persecuted and martyred.

He explained to his father that he believed it was his duty as a priest to serve the people and bring them back to the Catholic faith. He also reassured his father that he would take all necessary precautions to ensure his safety.

The father was not convinced. Despite his objections, Francis was determined to carry out his mission. The two met with the bishop. After the father made his case, the bishop, who had been a friend of the father’s for many years, seemed ready to relent. But St. Francis, quoting Scripture, said to the bishop, “Would you make me unworthy of the Kingdom of God? Having put my hand to the plough, would you have me look back?” The bishop then authorized Francis to go on the mission.

Thus, St. Francis chose to go against his father’s wishes, and without his blessing.

Francis's mission to the Chablais was a great success. He used a gentle and compassionate approach to reach out to the people and slowly but surely won their trust and respect. He wrote numerous tracts and sermons that explained Catholic teachings and responded to Protestant objections. He also trained a group of laypeople to assist him in his work, forming a community of Catholics in the Chablais.

Francis's success in the Chablais was a testament to his courage, determination, and faith. Despite his father's initial objections, he had followed his calling and fulfilled his duty as a priest. He went on to become a beloved saint and doctor of the Catholic Church, known for his writings on spiritual direction and his deep commitment to the Catholic faith.

In our discussion, the Living Jesus Chat Room group learned from this that there is nothing more important than doing what God desires, above all else. And when we go all-in to follow Jesus, that might mean that we have to make some difficult decisions that will put us at odds with those in our lives, even family members.

Jesus told us that He would often be at the center of division, not because that is His desire, but because that is what happens when we walk in a way that is contrary to the will of human beings.

Come enter into this sobering topic.

If you would like to chat with Catholics like yourself, why not check out our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Join us at 7:30 p.m. ET each Sunday! We read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather great insights and sharing!

Give Up Everything for Jesus

Question: What does Jesus mean when He says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26)?

Sr. Jennifer Marie: In order to be a disciple, we must be willing to give up everything for Jesus.

Visitation Sister: In the original language I wonder if the word hate is really there or is this a loose translation?

Sherry: That’s a good point, Sister. The original language might not be as strong. Sounds like 360-degree surrender and detachment to me.

Caroline: Nothing is more important than doing God’s will.

Visitation Sister: But you are right, God must be first and foremost in our lives.

Sr. Jennifer Marie: Following Jesus requires commitment and faithfulness.

Denise: We may be asked to even give up our life for Jesus.

Visitation Sister: Yes!

Denise: Many do.

Caroline: Many martyrs now.

Sr. Jennifer Marie: Luke 14:26 uses the term μισ?ω (“hate” in many, perhaps all, English translations) in a context that reasonably shows its usage to be something other than “an adversarial emotion we recognize as ‘hate.'” That is, it is used in a relative sense there, where Christ is comparing the fact that one ought to “detest” father, mother, wife, child, brother, sister, and their own self if any of those get in the way of being his disciple (i.e. Following Him). So, no person, and no person’s personal priorities, are to be placed above the priority of the Person of Christ and His priorities. Hence, it is used in a relative sense in this context.

Sherry: In a way. This passage is comforting too. When God showed me that He wants me to leave my home country – and later on in life – when He showed me that I should leave the Protestant church with all my in-law family in it, I felt it is OK to do God’s will. It freed me to prioritize the will of GOD, I have discerned. Does that make sense – in context with the verse?

Denise: It does, Sherry, clear.

Visitation Sister: It makes sense Sherry.

Caroline: It can be difficult to discern though what is our idea and what is His idea.

Denise: So true, Caroline.

Sherry: And yes, Caroline, you are right that it is difficult to discern. But as we all experienced, I guess, when GOD wants to stir us in a direction, he does make it clear.

Caroline: Yes. It’s just leading up to that moment. And sometimes it is only clear in hindsight.

Did St. Francis Break this Commandment?

Question: Based on this story, was St. Francis guilty of breaking the fourth commandment to “honor your mother and father”?

Denise: Perhaps, in a way, but he obeyed a higher commandment to love and obey God above all.

Sr. Jennifer Marie: Parents are to be honored (e.g., Mt 15:4).

Denise: I would think he still honored them.

Sherry: I think he honored his Father by considering His wish. It does not mean we have to do everything our parents want for us.

Caroline: Even though he was technically disobedient.

Sherry: I think his father was not honoring the adulthood of his son too, to be honest.

Caroline: That’s a possibility for sure.

Sherry: It is not the place of a parent to lay out the plan of the life for your child. It is your role to accompany them on the way GOD chooses for them. Of course, every parent has a silent dream for their child. I totally understand that.

Visitation Sister: Honoring and obeying have different dimensions to them.

Sherry: Yes. That’s it.

Denise: Yes, Sister. Would it be helpful to consider Mary and Jesus in this ?

Sherry: How so, Denise?

Denise: Jesus obeying the Father. Of course, Mary agreed. I guess this is not a good example. Fiat.

Sherry: It would be a very good example…if Mary would have insisted for Jesus to marry. But that was exactly her surrender.

Denise: A good example for parents, however.

Caroline: What about when Jesus stayed behind in the temple?

Sherry: Yes, Caroline, that’s actually where their “wills” might have separated for a moment.

Denise: Good, Caroline. It was a learning experience for her.

Caroline: But was Jesus technically disobedient as He knew He should be with His family, or is there a higher law here?

Denise: He was obeying God the Father.

Sherry: Caroline, the more I think about your comparison, the more I like it.

Caroline: What then prevents us from doing what we want and then saying it was God's will?

Sherry: Help me to understand please, Caroline.

Caroline: A person can act out of self will and then say well it is what God told me to do.

Sherry: I think the fruit also shows if it was God’s will or not. Also, St. Ignatius says that GOD works through our desires. So “wanting something” can be a sign already that GOD is at work.

What If?

Question: What would the Church and the world be like had St. Francis obeyed his father’s wishes?

Sherry: Oh, Sister, we would have lost such a treasure.

Denise: A great loss.

Sherry: Can you word it another way maybe so I understand that question better?

Denise: The indwelling Holy Spirit who reminds us of everything Jesus has said to us.

Caroline: It is all so complicated.

Sherry: Well, sometimes it is. You are right.

Sherry: I had a very strong desire for something in my life. Very, very strong. There was no outside confirmation that this is somehow to become reality. So I said to God, ” God, if this is not from you- and this desire is just from me – then please take it away.” And he did.

Did Jesus Come for Division?

Discuss Luke 12:50-53. Did Jesus come for the sake of division, or did he mean something more by this?

Caroline: I don’t think it was for the sake of division, but division is a consequence.

Sherry: I think with Jesus there is no middle ground. You either want to live for and with GOD, and you live through the power of the cross—or you don’t. That divided in the end. If you have to decide.

Denise: He came to do his Father’s will. And speaking his truth is a sword, it will cause divisions between believers and non-believers.

Sherry: Well, you said it much better, Denise .

Visitation Sister: Yes, that does make it clear.

Denise: It’s both good and helpful to understand.

Sherry: Another word – instead of division – could also be “clarity.”

Rebecca: Often we do not get to see the fruit, even if it is beautiful, wholesome, nearly perfect.

Sherry: Or decision.

Rebecca: It is a mercy of God if sometimes we get to see the fruits of our good works, done in tune with God’s creative and salvific work.

Acting Against His Nature?

Question: St. Francis is known for being gentle, and this situation could seem contrary to his agreeable nature. Why is it important to have such virtues but still maintain a spirit of courage in face of what you know God is calling you to?

Visitation Sister: He had a temper but controlled it well, and that is a virtue for sure.

Caroline: It is hard to be gentle and bold at the same time.

Denise: It is very important to speak truth in charity. I wrestle with temptations of my own ego and it's hard sometimes. But I keep moving forward to learn.

Sherry: The passage comes to my mind when the crowd wants to push Jesus over the cliff. And Jesus – although his life was threatened – walked through them. I find that so gentle – in the midst of this hostility and even attempt to take his life – he just walked through the crowd. And that’s how I see St. Francis- he gently walks through the adversity – following and doing God's will.

Visitation Sister: Good comparison.

Caroline: And the crowd just let Him go….

Sherry: The power of being in God’s will — everyone has to bow.

Alienation Can Draw Us Closer to Jesus

Denise: I’m in an advanced course. I am surrounded by non-Christians and not so favorable towards Catholics. It is an alienation that draws me closer to Jesus, so I thank them.

Sherry: That’s a hard place to be, Denise. Is that at your workplace?

Denise: Where I live, and the town.

Sherry: Still hard.

Caroline: It is hard, sometimes even with other Christians.

Denise: Yes!

Sherry: Sometimes even harder, I find.

Denise: I think these are the times we are in or approaching. What do you think?

Visitation Sister: True courage is lacking in so many situations in our world.

Sherry: Generally.

Rebecca: Yes, I find it fascinating to learn of towns where all hold firmly to the same set of beliefs.

Visitation Sister: Facing our fears and doing the right thing despite them??

Caroline: To do what is right no matter the cost.

Sherry: Both particularly good. I agree.

Rebecca: Sister, that’s a good description of courage.

Denise: Thank you both. I take many notes here.

Sherry: Sometimes, it is also courageous to do the things at the right time.

Caroline: To lay down your will and your life.

Denise: Sometimes we need to trust and go forth, and he never fails to let us know he accompanies us; it is a grace. And a confirmation.

If you would like to chat with Catholics like yourself, why not check out our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Join us at 7:30 p.m. ET each Sunday! We read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather great insights and sharing!