Unplanned Parenthood And Still Choosing Life

Sometimes we parents second-guess ourselves. Sometimes we wonder if we’ve made the right decision, if we’ve made the right call.  Sometimes we ask ourselves if we could have done a better job.

The fact is, things don’t always go exactly as we  as parents had planned.  Sometimes something happens that causes us as parent to reevaluate our entire parenting career, especially when a daughter, who is in much need of employment,  turns down flat her first career job offer.

You see, my oldest daughter has just finished attaining certification as a medical assistant. This was quite an accomplishment for her not only because of the academic challenges involved, but also because she is a single mother.  The thing is, my daughter became pregnant when she was 16.

I had received a phone call from the parent of one of my daughter’s friends. The woman informed me that she had heard my daughter was pregnant, and she thought I would like to know.  To be truthful, I am not sure what I was more annoyed with at that moment, the fact that my little girl might be pregnant or that this parent on the other end of the line seemed to get some satisfaction out of telling me.  “My daughter may have had some trouble in school,” I heard her say well after we hung up, “but at least she’s not pregnant!” 

I stormed down the stairs, into the kitchen where my poor unsuspecting wife was working on dinner. We needed to confront this, she said and called my daughter.  When she walked into the kitchen, my wife looked at her for a moment then yelled, “Oh, my God.  You’re pregnant.”

My daughter said she thought so, but she wasn’t completely sure. There were tears and some yelling, but I deferred much of my emotional outburst until after a test.  A few hours later, though, there was no doubt – my little girl was pregnant.  Then the real yelling started.  The crying.  The apologizing.  The accusing.  The anger.  The guilt.  The silence.  The hug.

How had we failed as parents? Where did we go wrong?  We were involved.  We were attentive.  We did things as a family quite a lot.  We’d taken her to museums, ballets, even the opera.  Gone on several family vacations and daytrips.  She played sports, marched with the school band, was a cheerleader.  We went to church regularly.  She did well in CCD classes.  We even prayed most every night with our kids.  We were pretty strict with all our kids, too, when it came to letting us know where they were, who they were with, and when they had to be home.  We even talked with them about those sensitive, hard to talk about topics; although, I have to admit my wife is much better at that sort of thing than I am.

Despite all of our teaching, something went amiss. Something did not get through.  My little girl was pregnant.

There was one thing, though. An abortion was never once considered an option.  I can’t imagine her not getting all sorts of advice from her friends and acquaintances.  She would never think of not going through with the pregnancy, she told us.

It took some time for me to come to terms with what had happened. I had to accept that things happen, and what does happen is not my will.  And even though I knew that, when it comes to your own children, that is really hard to accept.

A little over three years and one healthy and beautiful granddaughter later, my daughter passed her medical assistant certification exam. Things seemed to be coming together.  Her school had sent out her resume  and almost immediately she was offered a job even without an interview.

Planned Parenthood. They offered her a job, sight unseen.

Why did everything have to be so difficulty and complicated, she complained. Her first real job offer where she would work with directly with patients and, as the job description indicated, sit with patients during abortion procedures.

I would just sit in there and cry, she said. “What would I do, work my shift and then walk out and grab a sign with the other protesters?”

So she declined, writing them a full explanation that her beliefs precluded her from accepting such a position.

Then came the reprimand from her school. They were disturbed that she had turned down the Planned Parenthood job offer.  In this day and age, they had said, working in the medical profession you can’t turn down that kind of job if you want to work in the medical field.

Yes she could.

Yes she did.

Sometimes something happens that causes us as parent to reevaluate our entire parenting career. And even though it might not have gone the way WE planned  (As Woody Allen said, If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans.), I guess were doing pretty okay.