The Money Talk Before Marriage

Having a Money Date when you are preparing for marriage may not sound very romantic.  But nothing kills the romance in your marriage faster than money problems.

A Money Date is simply time set aside to focus on a deep dive discussion about your marital finances.

A good place to start is to talk about money in your family background.  Share how well your parents did (or did not) teach you about money. What was the best thing they taught you? What was the hardest lesson you had to learn about finances when you were growing up?  Was money an issue in your childhood home? These discussions should open your mind to the ways you and your fiancée are alike and how you are different in your thoughts and attitudes about money.  Hopefully you will also discover assumptions each of you have about money in marriage.
How you going to manage the family finances?  Do you plan to have joint or separate bank accounts? If you decide to have separate accounts, why?  Is there some unspoken barrier between you that makes you unwilling to share your finances with your future spouse? How much can each of you spend without first discussing it?  How will you both stay current with the state of the family finances on a regular basis?
Set aside some free time to brainstorm about what you would do with a million-dollar windfall. I am not suggesting you play the lottery in hopes of winning a million dollars. I am suggesting that daydreaming with no restrictions will often uncover the goals and dreams that are hidden in your heart. This brainstorming can help you set 5, 10 and 15 year goals for your financial future.

Debt is another topic that needs to be discussed in great detail.  Share how much debt and what type of debt (credit cards, car loan, student loan, loans from relatives) you each currently have. Discovering your fiancée’s attitude toward debt can be obvious when you share your credit reports with each other. (Check out Annual CreditReport.com to get a free copy of your credit report.)  This is also the time to share whether or not you have cosigned any loans for someone.  How much debt are you getting into for the wedding and honeymoon, and how to you plan to pay it off? 
Do you consider a car a mode of transportation or a statement about your status and importance? Will you drive it till the wheels fall off or lease a new car every year?

Another important discussion is the type of house you both want and what you have to do to buy it. How much will you have to save for a down payment?  What is the financial impact of owning a home?  Besides the mortgage payment there is insurance, taxes, furniture, upkeep, lawn care, appliances, and ongoing maintenance that come with home ownership.

Different attitudes about savings can sometimes be an area of contention in a marriage.  Share how much you have saved, what you do to save money on a regular basis and what goals you have for the money you have saved. How will you save in your marriage?
And although giving is the final topic, it is the most important.  If everything we have is a gift from God, then giving is a small way we can return to him some of the blessings he has bestowed on us.

Most couples have areas where they simply do not agree on finances—this may be their attitude toward saving, or giving, or debt, or anything else that deals with money in a marriage.  These differences will come up at some point–either when they are tackled head on as a way to prepare for marriage or when they become an issue after the wedding. Talking about money now can save lots of grief later.

Deep, honest, open discussions about all aspects of money will improve your marriage and build a strong financial future.  If you don’t have these discussions before the wedding, you’ll have them after the wedding when different attitudes and expectations become issues and cause problems.

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.” Genesis 2:24

For more information about this topic and a detailed list of questions for engaged couples to discuss, check out the Compass Catholic Ministries book God Marriage and Money, which is available in hardcopy and eBook formats.