A Soul in Purgatory

This is a fictional account of a soul in Purgatory. Please see the notations at the end of the story regarding Purgatory and mortal sin.

She didn't remember how she got to this ledge. She knew she was in a huge, dark place, and that she was on a ledge, but she didn't know any thing else. There were no memories beyond this moment. All she knew is that it was dark and cold here. She stood on a ledge, a precipice, but she wasn't afraid of falling. She was confused. What she looked around, she saw lines, like an illustration, of a cavern that never ended. She was cold.

Time didn't seem to move here. She had no idea how long she had stood on the ledge, never falling, but never able to move. The cavern had no limits. The darkness was deep but she could see through the darkness at this vast area. She was alone, in the dark, and she couldn't move.

She stood and her legs ached beyond her understanding of pain. She had seen something before she arrived here, and she couldn't forget His beauty and love. She felt the pain of disappointment of not being united to Him. She was sorry, but for what? Why was she Sorry? She was confused. No one was here to answer her questions. She felt the emptiness of the mountain. She was lonely and there was no one anywhere. Suddenly, a pain ripped through her heart. She felt the agony of loss. What was wrong? How had she arrived here? She knew she was where she should be, and she knew she had to climb this mountain, but how did she get here?

The rock was sharp like broken glass and so slick that she could make no progress upwards. She fell down onto the ledge. She could not grasp the upper ledge. Her arms and legs were bleeding, broken, and bruised. She felt that some of her ribs were broken, too. She wanted to stop trying, but an inner voice said she must continue. She’d grasp and slide. Grasp and slide. There was no relief. Her skin was shredded. Once in a while, she saw a flicker of lights somewhere. She was so confused. How would she get to where she needed to be? How long would she be here, alone, bleeding, hungry, hurting?

The memory was quick. It was a man begging for food. She laughed as she walked by him. He said he was hurting and that he was hungry, too. She had no time for him. Faker! She had to be at work. She wouldn’t have given him anything anyway. Beggar! Get a job!

She looked at her arms that were broken now. They hurt beyond hurt. Would anyone offer her help, but then she remembered that there was no one. This cavern, this mountain was too big. Why was she here? Did it have something to do with the man? He was faking it for the money. Then she tried to climb again, and she fell. What was going on here? Why couldn’t she move? Maybe, it was that man? What if she had given him money or helped him to a cab so that he could go to the hospital? Oh, God! She regretted that now. She could have done something for him! Forgive me! Forgive me! She didn’t know why she screamed the words! There was no one here to hear her. She was sorry, but she couldn’t change it now. This must be a nightmare!

She reached up, again, to grasp the next ledge. Her hand held this time. Painfully, she pulled herself up. It was still so dark, but as she looked down, it was darker where she had been.
She was still alone. She wanted her mother! She wanted her mother! The last time they had talked, she had told her mother never to call again. Her mother was always sick, and she had asked her to come home and help her out. She said No. Her mother wasn’t sick. She didn’t even offer to move her mother to the home she shared with her boyfriend. Oh, she’d call her at Christmas, but the authorities found her mother’s body three weeks later. She had died alone. The coroner said that her mother had died about a week before she was found. She hadn’t even checked on her mom. God, she screamed. I hurt. I am so alone! I want my mother! I’m sorry! I was selfish! I didn’t care about anyone else. She yelled out to no one, “This nightmare had better end soon!”

Suddenly, she thought. Am I dead? Is this hell? I am someplace I need to be. I saw something that was beautiful, but I was sent away. What happened? She had felt a love like she had never felt before. She never believed in an afterlife? Is this where she was? How did she get there? No, it had to be a dream, a very frightening dream.

She had no idea how long she had been in this place. None. She was alone. She was cold. She was in excruciating pain. Parts of her flesh were ripped from her body. Her bones were broken. She could see her heart beating on a ledge above. That’s my heart! That’s my heart! How did it get there? As hard as she tried to climb, she couldn’t reach the ledge. She’d fall. All of her bones were broken. She had never known pain like this, except for one time. One time. She was running with her lover in the park.

What had happened? That pain was nothing compared to what she felt here. She was running even now.

She saw the scene in the park. She was running, then she simply fell to the ground. She heard the voices saying, “Sorry, man, she’s dead.” The first responders were saying that she was dead? They had tried to shock her back to life, but she couldn’t go back. Even if she wanted to go back, she couldn’t go back. It was her time to die. She was 32 years old.

It hurt to die. She wanted to cling to her body at first, but then she saw Him, in the midst of her pain and sorrow. She saw Him. She couldn’t look at Him because He was so pure and perfect. He was love. He looked at her, and she saw her life of selfishness. She wanted to die, but then she remembered, she was dead. There was no going back.

He looked at her with eyes of love, and she heard Him say that her mother had prayed for her for years. Her mother had prayed for her salvation. She was sorry for her life, and how she had treated everyone. She knew where she must go.

She saw her mother behind Him, and her mother was smiling. She deserved hell, and she knew it, but her mother had prayed! Where she was going was unknown to her, but one day, she would see Him again, but not now. She was imperfect. She needed to be cleansed. She knew where she was, and she was grateful for the pain and sufferings. She wanted to be pure and holy to be near God. That was Who she had seen. God! God! I denied You. I hated You, but You heard my Mother’s plea. Forgive me. I have much for which to atone!

She looked up at the next ledge. She saw her heart, and she began to climb again. She slipped and fell. She ran and cried. She begged for God’s forgiveness. She prayed for those she had left behind. She never thought she’d die this young. God forgive me! God forgive me.

Finally, her hand reached the wall. She saw her heart, but when she picked it up, she saw the baby. It was her child. She hadn’t had time for children. She didn’t want them. They were a nuisance, and she had a career. She donated to planned parenthood. She even demonstrated for them once. She wanted to see them funded. Oh, dear God, it was like a dragon breathing on her. She was hotter than she had ever been. She was on fire! She was burning. This was hell!

She reached out for her baby. Her baby smiled at her. Her baby was fine, protected by arms she could not see. Her baby was not burning. She was glowing with love. She was filled with God’s love. Her baby looked at her with love and forgiveness!

The flames burned beyond any pain she had had on earth. Until this fire was quenched, she knew she could not move beyond this point. Her sin had been great. Her selfishness was overwhelming. She saw scenes of her life. She wept. She prayed for other women who were considering abortions. The more she prayed for them, the more peace she felt. She prayed for women who were damaged by abortions. The more she prayed, the more she felt peace, but the fires burned and burned.

She reached out to touch her baby whose eyes burned with love. She realized that her hands no longer burned! She touched her child. Her child smiled at her. The pain was enormous as she realized she had taken a human life. That her baby’s heart was her heart. She wept and prayed. She knew God’s Mercy had saved her. She did not deserve His mercy or love. She wept for the damage of her sins!

She looked up, and she saw a light. The light was moving towards her. It was a being like she had never seen before. It came to her and held out its hand. She wept. She knew this was not God. What was it? A being of light and pure thought. This was an angel, an angel of God! He lifted her up. He cradled her baby in his arms and together they went to the next level. She was alone again.

She continued to pray. She prayed for Al, her lover. She could see him at the moment of her death. He was sad, of course, but on the day of her funeral, he sought another woman’s company. She prayed for him. She prayed for his soul so that he would be given mercy at his death. She prayed for all men and women who rejected the sacredness of marriage. She prayed for their children. She begged God’s forgiveness for all the evil that she had committed in the world. She hurt. The wounds from the fire ached beyond all reasoning. There was no stopping the pain, but she had to be cleansed. She knew that now. She didn’t know exactly where she was, but this place was a place of mercy, not evil. She didn’t even know how long she had been there. She saw the evil of her sin, even as her skin flaked off her immortal soul. She hurt. She wanted to see God. She wanted to see her mother. She wanted to hold her baby, but she couldn’t, not yet. She knew she would one day, but now she must atone.

How long she had been there. She didn’t know. She didn’t care. If God wanted to snuff out her soul, that was fine with her. She knew that everything, now, was for Him, and she finally gave Him her all. She hurt. She hurt. She knew she had been forgiven, but she was not purged of the remnants of her sin.

Suddenly a great mist covered her. She could see nothing, nothing at all. This time, though, she was not alone. She could hear other people in the mist. They, too, prayed for forgiveness. They admitted their sinfulness on earth. All was truth here. No one could lie. All was truth. She heard the others praying for loved ones. She didn’t have a family, except a sister. She refused to talk with her sister when she was alive. She realized now that God had given her the gift of a sibling, but she had rejected that, also. She prayed for her sister and for her sister’s family. She felt ashes falling from her skin. She forgave everyone who had injured her, but she realized she was so selfish, they had not injured her at all. She injured herself. She allowed the lies to penetrate her soul. She could not look into the eyes of the Father yet, for she was not pure. So, she prayed for all the souls on earth.

There was hope here. She wasn’t finished with her purgatory, yet. That’s it! That’s where she was: Purgatory. She laughed when she had heard this term. She didn’t believe in God. She didn’t believe in heaven or hell, but now she knew. God listened to her mother’s prayers. She was not in hell. It was painful, but she was not damned. God loved her enough to save her soul!!!

She saw the angel again. He smiled at her. He brought someone to her. The woman was beautiful! She had seen her image in a church in Mexico. She had made fun of the shrine where she was visiting. It was all right for those who did not know better. She saw she was the one who was wrong. She knelt in veneration to the Lady who brought her such comfort. Her pain was gone for a few minutes. This woman, the Mother of Jesus, her real Mother, smiled at her and said, “Jesus is waiting for you.” She wept for joy, but the Lady was gone.

The mist seemed to be lifting a little. She heard someone at a distance praying for the souls in Purgatory. She was in Purgatory. They were praying for her! Her pain lifted for a few seconds. She heard more and more people praying such beautiful prayers. She was filled with love, until they stopped, then she felt the agony of Purgatory, the agony of not being with God.

She bowed down in adoration to God. She could not see Him, but she knew He was there, somewhere. Her judgment had been fair. She was saved because of His Mercy and Love! She was grateful to God for the first time in her life. She begged forgiveness of her sins. Her heart had never been so pure. She had sinned grievously against God. She begged for His forgiveness. The words weren’t enough. The pain was not enough to tell Him how much she loved Him, and how great was her sorrow. She offered her pain and sorrow up to Him for the world and all its evils.

She was in the mist for so long, or was she? She didn’t know. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she loved God, and she had sinned against Him, and she was sorry. She prayed that no one would ever injure her Lord as she had done. “Forgive me, Lord. Forgive all those who still injure You. Please Lord, do not condemn them. They don’t know. Give them the graces to be saved.”

The Lady came again with an angel she had not known before. He was mighty. She knew he stood before the throne of God. She knew that this Lady, her Mother, was God’s Mother. She wept for joy! Micha-el came to her. He smiled at her. He said, “The battle was fierce, but your mother’s prayers gave you defenses you would not have had, if she had not prayed. The power of a mother’s prayers touch God’s heart everyday. You don’t remember the choice, but God gave you the graces to be saved.” Mary, the Mother of God, repeated to her, “Jesus is waiting for you.”

She prayed with her heart and soul. She loved God now. She hadn’t known God before. She had laughed at the idea of a God. She had been wrong. She had sinned. Her sins were forgiven, but she had to atone. She praised God for Purgatory. She asked for the salvation of souls. She prayed and prayed from her heart. Her pain was great, but she embraced this cross for the Love of Him who Had died for her. She knew why her heart had failed on earth. She had never truly loved.

She forgave. She prayed for other souls. She prayed for the man she thought she had loved. She prayed for the salvation of his soul. She prayed and prayed and prayed. She embraced her sufferings and offered them up to Him. He was her God, and she loved Him. She knew He loved her. She begged his forgiveness over and over and over again. Her suffering was intense, but she became joyful.

One day, she heard singing. It was the most beautiful music she had ever heard, but it sounded like the Christmas music she had heard as a child. Was it Christmas here? Did heaven and purgatory celebrate the birth of Jesus? She didn’t know, but what she heard was someone, somewhere praying for the souls in Purgatory. She sighed in peace and love.

She looked up to see an angel again, not Michael, but someone who knew her so well. He spoke to her softly. I am your guardian angel. “You never saw me, but I was always with you. Come, it’s time to go home. Jesus is waiting for his most beloved daughter to return to Him. There is a feast planned for you.” She grabbed the angel’s hand. It was brilliant with a light she had never seen before. She looked at her own hand. It was brilliant. She looked around. She saw her mother coming to embrace her. She saw her daughter coming with her mother. She saw family she had never known, but she knew they loved her! Then she knelt down. She saw Him. She saw Jesus. She saw His Mother. They both held her hands and took her to the feast. She saw the Lamb of God. She saw the Mass on earth. She saw the people for whom she had prayed. Some were still living. A few had been lost, but her prayers had been strong and good. She saw the man with whom she had lived. His soul was not lost. He was in Purgatory, but he was not lost.

Love had never been like this before. She knew the joy of pure love. She embraced the feast and sat with joy at the table.

“Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.”
“Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.”
“Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, receive our prayer.”

She knelt in adoration. Her life had just begun.

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What is Purgatory? According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church

1030 All who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.

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What 3 conditions must exist for a sin to be a mortal sin? According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."131

-grave matter
-full knowledge
-deliberate consent