To Do God's Will and Not My Own

"For me prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look towards Heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy."

-St. Therese of Lisieux

Wow I just love that quote from St Therese. I could not have said it better myself. I love to pray. If I don't pray I feel like my life quickly starts going down hill fast. There is no peace in my heart. But when I sit down with my family I feel so at peace and in tune as if God Himself is sitting there right beside me. I am so sure of my faith and will fight for it and stand by it. I would not have gotten through all the crap I have gotten through if I didn't believe there was a higher purpose to it all. Other wise my life would have no point to it, no meaning. If I didn't believe in God's will and His plan for me, my life would really have no direction or a final destination. Because I came to realise the meaning of life is God. Without God there is no meaning to my life, or any life for that matter. Because without God. I would become a empty body set out to satisfy it here and now, only at the end of it all to rot in the ground. So there for what was the point? the purpose of existing? There wasn't any.

But to know there is God opens up a whole new life, a whole new reason to living and being the person that God wants me to be. I know that no matter how hard it gets or how many times I fall. God is there with me as I pick myself up. I know that He wants me to continue to do His will no matter how hard it gets or how many people judge me or try to make it difficult for me. If I have to be "nailed to the crux" myself, than so be it. If it means saving myself and the people around me. then it is worth every tear I cry, every night I lay awake in bed and every back that is turned on me because of my beliefs.

We were put on this earth for God's will no our own, but some people truly don't understand that. If God is the the author of life then why would He put us on earth for our own purpose? our own will? If He willed life into us and decides when our life ends, doesn't it make sense that He too decides how we should live our life?

It's like in a post I wrote; "A woman's worth" (which by the way has had the most hits on this blog!). God put me on this earth as a woman for a reason, for His will and my salvation.

I have been struggling a lot, since my health has gone further down hill. It's so hard to stay focused when I am in constant pain and exhausted beyond words. I have to remind myself that I am being tested. I have to try to remain humble as it can be quite humiliating being sick all the time and I hate admitting when I can not do something. I also have to remind myself that it's not important to be the perfect wife or mother, because my faith is what is important. If I try to put my faith first, then God will take care of everything else.

I find it hard to love people, as I automatically put up a wall of defence or protection. I question everyone's motives, I wonder if they have a secret motive or agenda, because that's the type of friends I grew up with. But I am learning that there are people I can love and trust. That there are people who understand me without having any pity for me. That I have some beautiful friends that I love who continue to support, encourage and be patient (I hope!) with me and all my problems.That tell me the TRUTH, not for their own benefit, but for my own benefit. I have learnt that God really does put certain people in your life at certain times and also takes people away as well. I have learnt God knows exactly what we need, in everything! And He will give it to us in HIS time not OURS.

I went to church on Saturday night and even though I was struggling just to stand, it gave me a different kind of strength, a spiritual strength, that I continue to need and rely on. It was s spiritual strength that give me wisdom and courage to face life and all its obstacles face on.