Men, Abortion and the Consequences

Father's Day is right around the corner. The Silent No More Awareness Campaign dedicates the month of June to men who have lost a child(ren) to abortion.

In 1977, I became pregnant. The ugly truth is I had a choice of two fathers … a one-night stand and a "friend with benefits." Not wanting to disappoint my parents or have a baby hold me back from advancing in my job, I decided to get an abortion. I told no one except the gal that drove me to the clinic. 

Recalculating the math months later, I became convinced my "friend with benefits" was the father. We would go out occasionally, and on one such occasion, I told him about the abortion. He was devastated. Tears ran down his cheeks as he said, "You should have told me; I would have married you or helped somehow." I was in shock. I never expected that reaction; I thought he would be relieved that I immediately took care of the "problem" and didn't involve him. But even with that reaction, I figured he would get over it. It wasn't a baby anyway. So we were told.  

Over forty years had passed. During that time, I had one more abortion (never informing that father), had two failed marriages, became a raging alcoholic, and was institutionalized for being suicidal. I even had a tubal ligation at 30, subconsciously punishing myself for the abortions.  

I eventually got sober, renewed my relationship with God, and converted to my third husband's Catholic faith. Through the parish bulletin, I was made aware of and attended an after-abortion healing retreat. I learned that abortion was the missing piece of my darkened life's puzzle; it had impacted every aspect of my life. During that retreat I was also given the opportunity to ask for and receive forgiveness from God, my children and myself, which was the most difficult. I was finally whole. 

Soon after, the Holy Spirit compelled me to join a healing ministry, where I learned that fathers of aborted babies could experience the same shame, grief, regret, and self-destructive behavior as women. The memory of tears streaming down a young man's cheeks so many years ago came out of its hiding place. I could see him as clearly as if it were yesterday.  My heart broke knowing my decision to abort may have impacted him throughout his life, as it did mine. I will never know; time and distance prevent it. I can only pray for his peace and happiness and ask our lost son, Matthew, to watch over him. 

If you are a man that lost a child(ren) to abortion, you are not alone and it's never too late.  You can find healing programs at www.silentnomore.com under resources.