Is Technology Making Us Rude?

One of my favorite authors is C.S. Lewis, the creator of the wonderful Narnian Chronicles and so much more. He is said to have received thousands of letters from fans throughout his lifetime, but the more remarkable thing is that he endeavored to personally reply to each one. I keep thinking about this example when my inbox overflows with messages--some sincere, but most falling into an altogether different category. Before e-mails were commonplace, and we could send a message around the world with a press of a button, we sent a different kind of mail. Do you remember? The letters came in paper envelopes affixed with stamps and postmarks, reflecting their long journey to our doorstep. It wasn’t the fastest way to get something communicated, but it usually sufficed for our needs.

Today, our inboxes are filled with every manner of message. Some of the senders are legitimate, but most seem to be trying to exploit us in one way or another. What worries me are those legitimate ones. It’s the important personal messages that I overlook for an extended period that are particularly disturbing. These are people that undoubtedly believed that I didn’t consider their question or observation to be important enough to warrant a response. As a fellow who often is on the other side, waiting for a reply, I can entirely sympathize with their frustration.

It’s hard to suggest a hard and fast rule about responding to e-mails. After all, if some celebrities were to reply individually to each message, they’d probably get nothing else done for the day. Does effective time management require a quick delete of even those personal messages arriving in our inbox, or do the same rules of etiquette apply to both an electronic message and a traditional letter? I think they do--for the most part--and here are some concrete ideas for improving your use of e-mail for both yourself and others.

First, go through your messages and delete anything that really doesn’t need to be saved; be brutal. Don’t be an e-mail hoarder!  It always surprises me when someone with a messy or cluttered desk can know precisely where something is, removing the desired item deftly from an overflowing stack of papers. When it comes to e-mail, though, the overflowing inbox approach isn’t usually the path to success.  Unknowingly, you may be missing important messages.  At the very least, it will slow you down.  If you find yourself with an overflowing inbox, try investing an hour to rein it in. (Personally, this is one of the reasons I prefer Apple Mail over Microsoft’s Outlook, but the same principles can be applied to any mail service.)

Second, try creating folders for categories of messages, and then transfer those messages out of your inbox. Third, for messages being retained related directly to appointments, try copy/pasting the message into the comment or detail section of the calendar appointment itself—and don’t forget to delete or file away the associated e-mail.  Fourth, remove your e-mail address from unnecessary distribution lists--unless it’s my new newsletter.  (Do you really need the daily cute cat photo?)  Fifth, don’t forward “chain letters” and similar spam.  Your co-workers will thank you, and this will also reduce the likelihood of inadvertently spreading malware or a virus (usually via e-mail attachments).

Sixth, if you are in over your head, admit it. Every so often, for example, I will receive an automated reply from an e-mail recipient. It thanks me for my message, and it promises an attempt at follow-up--but not a promise. This level of up front honesty accomplishes several things before the recipient has even read our message. It acknowledges the receipt of the message--critically important in some situations--and it honestly conveys the recipient’s inability to immediately respond to all messages. In a time when we’ve become used to everything NOW, this can be an important reality check.

How do we feel as shoppers when we’re on the receiving end of poor customer service?  Usually, it gets under our skin, but we may avoid taking the time or effort in following-up on the matter. It’s not an astonishing revelation to point out that most everyone with whom we work and interact each and every day at the office is a kind of customer.  E-mail etiquette includes everything from the language we use, to its tone and other characteristics.  We should try to tailor our message for the person(s) to whom it’s directed.  That’s called adaptive communication.

Tone (the way things are said, or the message behind the message) can be challenging, but the key again is tailoring it for the audience—and being courteous.  We all should know by now to avoid using all caps or repeated punctuation marks; most everyone recognizes it as rude. Bear in mind that a brief salutation of some kind can be a good way to begin a message—as opposed to starting immediately with what you want.  It’s also a way of reminding yourself that you’re writing to a human being and not a computer. 

We can’t unring that e-mail bell, but perhaps we can take a step or two to ensure those people who personally contact us via electronic mail aren’t inadvertently subjected to an unnecessarily rude reception. Let’s be courteous out there!