POWERLESS

POWERLESS,  poetry reflection by Loreen (Merrill) Derry, MA

Cowering in my fear and doubt, I cannot turn,

  Yet there is within me an emptiness I want to fill.

For happiness and peace in Your love I yearn -

  Yet my fear makes me hesitate, and I am still.

Reflection: This poem is about a time when I wanted to begin turning back to the Lord, but I was afraid. Reflect or write about a time when you wanted to change your life, but you hesitated or held back. 

Where are the days when in Your love I was nestled?

  Now I sense only emptiness, and my heart is veiled.

My faith and my doubt for so long have wrestled —

  But in the spiritual void, my faith has utterly failed.

Reflection:  Here, I am remembering my childhood trust in the Lord.  Do you remember simpler times when your faith walk was easier? Reflect or write about your spiritual struggles and about a time when you may have lost your faith.

 My wretchedness and helplessness I have realized.  

  Not in rebellion do I hesitate, but in utter despair.

I see my frailty and unfaithfulness, and I am paralyzed.

  so in fear of falling away, I fear to utter a prayer.

Reflection:  Here I am feeling remorse and spiritual weakness.  During a time of a lack of faith, you may have felt unworthy of the Lord, just focusing on your weaknesses. Reflect or write about a time when prayers were far from your lips.

I fear today Your Name and Lordship to confess.

  Fearing that soon Your love I will deny and betray.

I'm overwhelmed and enslaved by my wretchedness;

  I fear to turn back knowing I'm powerless to stay.

Reflection:  Totally focusing on my own failures comes from a sense of true remorse. But it also comes from a sense of having to save myself by my own strength.  Reflect or write about times when you might have believed you could use your own strength to change your life.

My strength is drained, and I have little reason to live. 

 I need to know You, but fear is all that I know of.

I am too weak to trust that you will always forgive,

  But help me accept my weakness and return to Your love.

Reflection:  This whole poem is focused on how I want to turn back to the Lord.  I am feeling remorse, or is it just self-pity for the condition I have put myself in? I am relying completely on my own strength to turn my life around. This leads only to despair and feeling spiritual emptiness. At this point, even if I want to turn, I am afraid because I know I am unworthy.  Reflect on what this means to you.

In the final lines, I am recognizing that my conversion is not a matter of my strength, but is the outpouring of His mercy. Reflect or write about what it means to trust the in Lord’s complete and total mercy.