Faith Formation at Home Part 3: Tackling Teens

In a world where faith formation is being dumbed down or lost completely, this three-part series will discuss how we can bring it back to families. This part will discuss faith formation for teens, especially around Confirmation, and what to do to continue encouraging a faith journey at home. If you missed it, go back and read Part 1 and Part 2.

This is my 13th year teaching the Confirmation program at our parish. It’s safe to say there’s been some growth. My first year was… awkward.

Save the Teens, Save the World

I was a young (at least younger than I am now), on-fire-for-Christ, brand-new catechist. I had this notion that if I could teach them what I knew about God and make it fun and exciting, they’d receive the same fire and we’d have a great year.

Oh, how naive I was! If I weren’t ignorant enough about teaching teens, there was a kid in the class with the reputation of a bully. He participated in class, so I thought he was just an outgoing kid. No one else would talk out of fear, but I couldn’t see that. There was so much I didn’t know.

I struggled through that year, trying games and conversation, pushing through awkward silences, and trying to get kids to read out loud. When they left on the last day of class, one of them sympathetically patted my shoulder as he silently walked out. I just stared.

What had I done wrong? I was enthusiastic and encouraging. I tried multiple things to get them engaged. It took a couple of years to realize what I’d done wrong, even after I learned about the class bully.

Meet Them Where They Are

Teens are tough to reach, even if we remember our teen years well. Just five years prior, they would talk and enjoy fun games in class. Why is it different?

The truth is, we adapt to teaching young children by speaking at their level and meeting them where they are mentally, emotionally, and fundamentally. So, what are we not doing for teens?

There’s a huge step from elementary to middle school to high school. What you can and cannot do socially changes drastically and sometimes overnight. So, the fun, full-of-excitement teaching style probably won’t work. I needed to learn to reach my teens where they’re at, but I needed to learn where that is first.

For our area, most kids were forced to continue Faith Formation or CCD through Confirmation. (For our diocese, that’s 10th grade.) Parents made them come but didn’t bring them to Mass weekly. Or they had to do it because grandma said so and parents didn’t even care too much.

Figuring out what to do with that and how to turn that around at the teens’ level was hard – still is – but I had to try. Souls are at stake and I wasn’t giving up.

The Jesus Approach

Jesus didn’t sugarcoat anything and He didn’t beat around the bush. He started His ministry proclaiming that the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Granted it was at a time and in a place where people walked around preaching all the time, but I imagine His methods weren’t just to fit in. He had a message to spread and He didn’t waste any time. He went right to the people He would choose and started teaching and preaching.

So, what’s our message to our teens and how can we share it so they’ll actually receive it?

Let’s try the Jesus approach: don’t sugarcoat it and don’t waste time. Get to the point and bring it to where they are. So, where are they?

The Teen View

Each area is different so I’ll paint with broad strokes and use examples from my experience, but hopefully, you’ll find some nuggets you can use for your teens.

Our teens are riddled with anxiety, caught up in social media, and soaking up a world of materialism and online images. As adults, we know much of this is false and not worthy of our time, but for teens, it’s the world.

The first thing I tell them is that they’re valued, that the God who created the universe created them and died on the cross out of unconditional love. They may not respond much, but I know they’re listening.

I then start to use current examples of the world around us and teach them how our faith applies to it all. I teach them about right and wrong in a way the world abhors: I use biblical ethics.

As a catechist, I go over the Mass and talk about Saints and what the Church teaches. As a teacher, I use short, 5 to ten-minute lessons and activities, keeping things moving so they’re not too bored or zone out too long. As a parent, I commit to every statement, so they can see my genuine concern that this information is vital and I care for their whole selves, body, mind, and soul.

Not Just Graduation

Many teens and parents view Confirmation as “CCD Graduation” and feel they’re “done with church” after this. We know it doesn’t work that way but teaching it comes from evangelizing the teens from the inside out. Planting the seed that there’s more to this world than getting a job and maintaining a status quo takes time and, quite frankly, honest sharing. Convincing them that they need to come to Mass weekly and continue involvement in the Church as adults will be up to their willingness to hear the Holy Spirit calling them.

I drop what I can for knowledge, urge the message of Love continuously, and pray for them often. The rest is up to them. I must plant what I can and hope for the best.

Teens at Home

For a series that talks about Faith Formation at home, I talked mostly about parish catechism classes, but it really is the same message. Thing is, teaching your own teens is often harder than teaching someone else’s.

My teens are often sick of hearing my voice, my nagging (I really try not to), and my repeat lessons. I know they love me and I love them, but hearing these things from someone else is reinforcing.

If your kiddo is in a program, you can help by continuing the conversation at home. Don’t turn it into a drill session, but just ask for the topic of class. You can also help by asking if their class made them curious about anything or if they have any questions. Stay curious and ask them what saint they’re choosing or who they’d like their sponsor to be. And stay involved! Seriously, do your best to take them to Mass regularly. That’s probably the best message they’ll get from you. Let them see your devotion to the faith.

Confirmation is a sacrament of initiation and so much more than a simple graduation. When they live in a world that tells them what to do and how to live, be a positive message by showing them what you do and how you live. They’re more pliable than we realize, no matter how stubborn they may be in small matters.

The Future is Here

Our teens are today’s Church. They’re not the future for a later date; they’re the Church now, today. If we meet them where they are, cut right to the chase, remain honest (honesty is SO important), and lead by example, they will follow. We can’t waste time. Jesus didn’t. We can’t hold back. We need to make growing the faith of our teens a top priority today.