Viva Los Estados Unidos!
"Speak, Commander! Sit, Commander! Gimme paw, Commander! Play dead, Commander! Roll over, Commander!" That’s all I ever hear. People constantly telling me what to do, what doggie tricks to play. Giving commands to Commander!
Well, I've had enough! I will speak; and I will tell you what it's really like in this big white house with all the weird people and why I had to bite my way out of it.
Do you have any idea what it's like to be a dog? No? Well, I'll tell you. It's not easy putting up with humans. They never seem to understand what you're trying to tell them or what you want them to do. They think they are kings and can rule over you. Boss you around and give you commands to do this or do that. I especially don't like the roll over and play dead parts.
I am a German shepherd dog. That is to say a breed of dog that is conditioned to be outside, among sheep or other animals larger than I am. It's my job to keep them in line, so to speak, so they don't wander off and get lost or fall into a ditch or something like that. I also have to protect them from other animals that may want to harm them, such as wolves or coyotes or bobcats. That is what I am supposed to be doing as a shepherd.
But I am not supposed to be cooped up in a house all day, no matter how big or impressive. My natural aggressiveness and protectiveness cannot be ignored. I'm a pretty big dog as dogs go. There are bigger ones of course, but many smaller ones too. I like to play rough to keep up my defensive skills so I'll always be prepared to protect my sheep when danger lurks.
But, here I am, somebody's pet in a big house in a big city. Sure, there's a big lawn to run and play in, but it's not big enough to give me the exercise that I need to keep in top shape. Every now and then I get to go to the seashore with the main person in this house but he's very old so all we do is just sit in the shade on the beach. I don't even get to go in the water.
I also spend a lot of time in the basement with the old man. A lot of people come and go on a regular basis. I've gotten to know some of them, and they try to pet me and be nice to me. But they have no idea how frustrated I am being here in this basement, and so I give them an occasional growl and, yes, on a few occasions, a little nip as well just to show them I mean business and want to be left alone.
Given my sensitive nature, which allows me to hear or feel the presence of danger even before it becomes evident to human eyes and ears, I am constantly anxious over the tension I feel in this place. Besides the old man, there's a nice lady who they call a doctor and another younger man who comes in quite often and seems to be always asking for money. He smells funny sometimes, not smoky like tobacco, but something else. I don’t like him and would like to bite him good and hard.
There's a lot of yelling and loud talk. Some of the people who come here think that talking loud and shouting makes them important. But it hurts my ears and makes me mad at them and, yes, I would like to bite them too. Come to think of it, I would probably like to bite everyone in this place, except maybe for the nice doctor lady.
There is also a cat in this house. It is a very smart cat in that nothing seems to bother it. It must be able to ignore all the noise and turmoil because it sleeps all the time. Occasionally it will wake up and stretch very slowly, shake itself, go roundabout a few times and then go back to sleep. It hasn't bitten anyone that I know of but I'm sure if it had to put up with what I do it would surely do so, or at least give them a scratch with those deadly claws. I know of dogs that got a good scratch on the nose from some cat and were never the same again.
I tried everything. I tried napping like the cat. But people still wouldn't leave me alone and I couldn't shut out the noise and hostility in this place. I tried not eating and hoped they would think I was sick and take me to a vet where I could tell him how unhappy I am. But they just kept changing my food and I got so hungry I finally had to give in. I tried to run away several times but there's a big fence around this place and I couldn't get anywhere. The old man got mad when I did that and tried to kick me. I was ready to give him a good bite when several big men in uniforms grabbed me. I bit them, I think.
That got me some attention, so I finally decided that biting might be my best way to get out of this madhouse. But, whom to bite? Not the old man, he's too frail and it might kill him. Then I would be considered a bad dog and probably euthanized. I couldn't bite the doctor lady and I surely don’t want to bite the young man who smells so bad because I don’t want to end up smelling like him instead of like a dog, which is a much nicer smell overall.
I decided that those big guys in the uniforms would be my target. They're the ones who usually take me for walks when I'm not in the basement or at the beach. So I did my best to aggravate them, like sit down and don't move, or try to run, or walk the wrong way. When they get angry, they pull my leash and I growl my loudest growl. Then when they try to be nice to me and pet me I bite them. I think I have bitten about a dozen and would gladly do more.
But the old man and the nice lady finally gave me my freedom. I don't know where I'm heading but anywhere has to be better than this place. I hope it’s a nice quiet farm out in the country, with kids and sheep and even coyotes and bobcats so I can be a dog. A dog and not someone's plaything or status symbol. Just a plain old dog like God made me. I hope so. I really do.