Free will when you've made the wrong choice. It eats at you.
One time I was at mass, around 5:30 PM, and the homily rolled around. I was with my mother. The priest started out talking about Saints. On and off my mind wandered like it sometimes does when the stress of daily life is knocking at my door. Then I remember the priest saying "Look around you, stop for a moment. There are saints present this very minute all around you". He stopped and I saw people looking from side to side so I thought I would do the same. My eyes wandered all around the packed church. Then I turned to the left of me. My eyes caught a beautiful sight. I have a saint. My mother! Sitting next to me. Her face seemed glowing with a beautiful smile, looking straight ahead. At that moment, I felt a warmth in my soul. "Could my mama be a saint?" I felt sure it was true and I snuggled even closer to her arm. She surely was a good mama. Reminding me so much of our Heavenly Mother Mary. This earthly Mother kept many things in her heart. Never letting on how much she might have been hurting inside. Never complaining. Never criticizing. Daily, visibly compassionate, loving. Just like our Beloved Mother Mary. I would always say to my mother through the years that I was going to ask the pope to have her be put up for saint. Now, that moment in church, I realized maybe I wasn't wrong.
I'm sure every child who has had a good and loving mother thinks the same way as I do. It makes my prayer for all of those who are without good mamas even more fervent......
Look around daily for the saints that walk around us. They are there. Who knows? Maybe one is sitting right next to you..
Pray and intercede for us oh Holy Saints of Heaven! Help us to become saints ourselves. Because really, isn't that what we were all created to be?