Graceful Aging

Whenever we talk about the importance and necessity of aging gracefully, we seem to imply to anyone listening that a significant key to aging gracefully falls within our own sphere of control. As if it is up to us in large part. But is it? How many of us can determine the length of our days on earth? Sure, we can maximize our health by living rightly to some extent but we still can’t turn down the invitation to meet our Maker when it is issued.

My mother-in-law is now 101 and going quite strong. When others are told of her age, their most common response is: ‘good for her’; the same type of response given to someone who has done something well or had a bunch of good things happen to them. But that response also hints that they feel that what she did in life and how she lived were primary factors in being able to live such a significantly long and healthy life. Florence also believes that but she also acknowledges being blessed and favored by God at the same time. The blessing part is well taken by believers and those realizing how old she actually is. But uneasiness sets in when she mentions her favored status because many have lost their husband, parents, even children too soon in their eyes. Florence seems to infer (unintentionally) that their loved ones were not loved enough by God. Most people readily see that is flawed thinking but maybe that’s what happens when you are over 100 years old! However, perhaps enough people repeated the thought that long living means having a preferred status long enough prompting someone else to create the ditty that teaches us instead that only the good die young! But that is really not the main point of the article. The point remains how do we age gracefully without expecting it or feeling like it’s our right and duty to make it happen?

Is aging an art that must be learned? How do we learn it? Does it come naturally to those who manage to age gracefully? Some suggest that aging gracefully involves the setting of purposeful goals. Others suggest that it’s all about having an attitude of acceptance and gratitude. Still others suggest that to attain it we have to go kicking and screaming all the way to the end zone. WebMd suggests that aging people have to learn to accept the physical changes that occur over time. They also recommend doing and finding purposeful activities that continue to be very important to the aging person. But is that really the way to hone the art of aging gracefully? Doesn’t that advice tend to draw one inward rather than outward?

Today, in prayer group, one of the members offered to help another member with a project she was working on. The offer was completely self-less and it hit me that this selfless offer just may be a key ingredient to graceful aging. I had been mulling over the points to write about in this article and that may be why his offer hit me the way it did. So, I said, “Pat, your offer to Annie was so gracious. Thank you for doing that for her. You are aging so gracefully.” At first, Pat seemed a bit put off by the aging gracefully comment but hopefully will receive the compliment for what it was as he mulls it over.

Before writing this article, I googled graceful aging and many, many resources popped up. I read a few including WebMD, a Huffington Post piece, and a few other personal blogs explaining their points of view on how to age gracefully. Not one source suggested doing random acts of kindness and selfless service for others as a key to graceful living and aging. Yet, are we not taught by Jesus and the apostles that it is in giving that we receive?

Recently, one of our daughters was talking to a religious sister from Kenya who works with the mentally disabled. They talked about aging after witnessing the actions of a grumpy older woman (not mentally disabled). The religious sister remarked that it’s hard enough to bear the cross of losing one’s agility, health, hearing, sight, and other things over time; all things that offer proof of aging. But when we allow hatred of the heart — of any kind — to accumulate within us; bearing the cross of aging gracefully becomes nearly impossible. Sister repeated that all of us have to learn early in life how to protect our hearts so that we do not allow any type of hatred to enter in — ever — if we hope to age gracefully. And this is because hatred — and the accompanying precursors (vices) shrivel up our capacity to love well. Consequently, there are very many crabby, difficult older persons living quite alone in the world. On the other hand, there are a number of very happy elderly who are very easy to be around. Sister’s thoughts seem like a very reasoned theory on aging gracefully. After all, even Cain just didn’t wake up one day and decide to kill Abel. He probably fueled his hatred with vices such as jealousy, envy, and insecurities causing him to commit murder against his brother.WebMD didn’t mention Sister’s theory either as the way to age gracefully. Yet, I think Pat and Sister are more on the right track.

Here is one more thought to conclude with. Think of your life as a snowball. We get our start at the summit of a hill and from there we roll downhill to the bottom. All along, we either grow big and full or we break up along the way into smaller and smaller snowballs. Either way, all snowballs arrive at the same destination (the bottom of the hill) — intact or broken. The first snowball was able to reach the bottom because it stayed the right course, grew bigger and stronger as it rolled along with gratitude for the time it had to reach the bottom. The second snowball had trouble rolling downhill in one piece because of all the pebbles it encountered along the way. Eventually, it cracked up completely because of all the pebbles that lodged within it. May we all discover — early on — that aging gracefully has nothing to do with learning how to get old gracefully but has everything to do with loving and living life virtuously all along the way.