I was awakened by a knock at my door. I was alone and very cold.

I was awakened by a knock at my door.  I was alone and very cold

There was no answer to my question about who was knocking.  I reached across the bed and discovered the bottle was empty.  Damn, I said, why didn’t I have another bottle to soothe my nerves.  Why is my life so screwed up and no one is around to help calm my frustration? 

My next step was to call my old girlfriend who also added to my agony when she told me to get lost.  However, perhaps she would relent and at least give me comfort from a kind word.  At this point that’s what I needed.  When she answered the phone my crying regarding loneliness and also no more money for another bottle didn’t go well for me.  Her last words were you’re a bum, and what decent woman would want to connect with a loser.  When she hung up someone knocked at my door, again.  Calling out there was no response, as before.

As I laid there my eyes caught the crucifix on the wall and something clicked in my mind.  Fr. Anthony from St. James parish gave that to me when I was going through recovery from drugs.  He told me to keep this as a reminder that our Lord had to carry his cross before he gave his life for me.  His words always appeared to give me hope and I now would seek his wisdom again.  A third time the knock at my door now became frightening and I needed to see Fr. Anthony quickly.  

After meeting with my friend, Fr. Anthony, he told me it sounded like Jesus was trying to get my attention and the knocking I heard was him knocking at my heart.  His explanation of how the Lord will go after anyone of us when our faith begins to wane and always uses ways to reach us.  Sometimes we pray without placing it in a manner we can understand.  Jesus told his disciples to “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  (Mt 7: 7 - 8).  In this case, Jesus is knocking to enter your heart, and once you open Jesus will enter.  

This is not uncommon for Christ to come to our need for help without us realizing the manner he uses will appear as a simple thing as knocking in an audible sound.  When we sin God does not turn and run away until we have a change of heart.  If anything God is always beside us in spite of our weakness, waiting for us to turn and see he never left our side.  

When I wrote that Jesus appeared to Augustine seeking something from him, it was his sin he wanted.  That is what he seeks from each of us when our weakness pulls us down and comes to our aid by knocking or a simple gentle breeze passing by.  (1 Kgs 19; 9 - 12).  

The Lord confirmed his protection to Isaiah at the cave, and he will confirm it as well with his children.  Once we adhere to the knowledge that Christ is always looking after those who believe the grace he gives us, our life will take a turn and our faith begins to be real, again.

Ralph B. Hathaway