Estrangement From An Adult Child

Estrangement From An Adult Child

Eileen Renders                          October 30, 2023

   To be estranged from a child can certainly be a time of sadness as it can feel devastating and irreversible. Whenever this happens in a family it can cause ripple effects in that a family often takes the side of either one or the other causing more family disruption. Usually, this situation is temporary, as one of the family members finds a way, or occasion to once again reunite. Not always, however, has the argument been settled to the satisfaction of agreement. Sometimes as the old saying goes; “Let sleeping dogs lie.” In other words, each has said what they wanted to say, and it is time to let it go.

   Recalling what triggered the disagreement and caused a family disruption should, however, be examined. For example; these are adult children we are referring to and as adults they are entitled to live their life on their own terms. To argue over an opinion or hearsay should never become a battleground for regretful words to someone you love. It is sort of relative to arguing religion, or politics of a different belief, and is not a good idea.

   Possibly, there are a few exceptions and that being true, one should still be brief in what one has to say, and without any shouting. In the real world, a parent should always remain on the side of God. There we are remaining true to God’s Commandments, and how we have hopefully raised our children. For example; Abortion has no exceptions as it is the taking of an innocent life. Each woman had three choices prior to getting pregnant; a. Abstinence b. Birth control and c. Adoption. Having said that, we as parents can no longer punish our adult children.

   A big complaint we often hear these days seems to be about young adults living in sin with their boyfriend, or girlfriend without plans of marriage, and without going to church as their lifestyle in itself is sinful.

   I once recall the Manager of a Supermarket remarking to me one day about my girls saying; “Eileen, your girls are so respectful and mannerly. But, we as parents cannot take the credit for how they choose to live, just as we cannot take the blame for their negative lifestyle. That statement really made sense to me. Still, each parent would like to feel their children are good young adults because we instilled good values and morals into them at a young age. And sadly, should our children take the wrong path in life leading to destruction, we tend to ask ourselves; “Where did I go wrong?” We are so ready to carry the burden of blame.

   When the realization sets in that we no longer have a strong influence over our adult children, and no control over their choices in life, we must go to the only power in heaven and on earth and pray for our children, and that power is and always be our creator. Prays are not always answered because God gave each and every one of us a will of our own, and God has never taken that back again from any of us. Therefore, we pray rosaries, offer Masses, continue to love them and pray for them to see The Light!