Admitting "I Can't". Then, Trust.

"I can't" seems like such a difficult statement. Like a boulder that cannot be moved. We don't want to arrive at "I can't" and so we try everything in our power not to. We think it means "I'm not strong enough." or "I'm not smart enough." or "I'm not skilled enough." We wear ourselves out, live double-lives, lie to ourselves and to our families or loved ones, and spin complicated webs trying to get away from "I can't."

The truth is, sometimes God needs us to arrive at the place of "I can't" so that he can whisper to us "you don't have to, because I (The Almighty) CAN."

All of us have had different experiences growing up as children. Some might say they really didn't have a childhood, or that they were "the most adult person" in their house. Maybe we couldn't always find an adult we could trust or who would do what mattered when we needed it, or maybe we had a very strong, good, close knit family life growing up. Hopefully most people can relate that, as a child, it was much easier to bring your homework to the adult in the house (maybe your mom and dad, maybe a foster parent, maybe an older brother or sister) and say "I can't". Maybe if you broke something or had some project like your bicycle chain broke and you could find someone responsible enough that you could say "I can't". In those situations we find that help is close at hand, if we just ask. But as an adult, we think we should be the one with all the answers. We should never have to say "I can't." And, besides, who would listen?

Well, I would hope that lots of people could be found who would listen and, in fact, help. That is what a good community is for. We help others when they need it and they help us in turn. But the biggest resource for us when we just "can't" anymore is to turn to God. To turn to him like children, hold up our hands, and say "I can't" and wait for his help, trusting in him.

We see Jesus in scripture, when the little children approach and his disciples think they are being helpful saying "teacher, we can send the children away" (home to their parents, off to play with the other kids, to be seen and not heard, not to be under-foot.) but children were drawn to the Lord like to a magnet. They were drawn to him just out of wonder and the desire to be with him. And they knew, with him, they could admit "I can't." Jesus's response to his disciples comes as a shock to us, even in modern day. "Let them come to me, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." He tells us that we have to be "as little children". What more child-like way is there than to have wonder for our Lord and his creation, and to have the freedom to admit "I can't!" and await our Father's hand to guide us and to pick us up when we can admit that we are stumbling?

It sounds so simple and I'm not saying it's easy. It takes sometimes daily reminding ourselves when times are tough that God is there and that he has a plan. Though that plan doesn't always appear able to pay the heat bill for the winter or get the car fixed when we need it to get to work dependably. We have to make a concious effort. Not just self-coaching and saying "yes, I trust in God" but actually praying and telling God "yes, I trust in you." This might have to be followed closely by "teach me how to trust." I, for one, feel like an undisciplined mule with no bridle or halter when trying to follow God at times. I have to remind my mulish self to become more childlike, more like the lamb, who wants to be led, who trusts, and who follows eagerly.