Gosh, I wish Adam and Eve wouldn't have messed up! I wish they could have just relaxed and realized what they had! But no. They had to be greedy and messed up bad! Things haven't changed at all. It must be in our DNA, considering that we are related to them. They were created 1st. What I want to know is why I keep messing up even though I know what the consequences would be if I do! I pray so hard, sometimes beg, asking God to give me the grace I need to achieve my goals. He gives it to me and I'm right back out there messing up again. Just like Adam and Eve.... Sometimes I think I'm hopeless. Why is it so hard for me to be good consistently? I want to so badly. But there I go again, talking about someone because they hurt my feelings or demanding things to go my way, even though it always ends up with no one really listening to me in the 1st place! All the while, arguing my point and not really listening to them. If I'm tired, which so many times is the case, I rush to the point of where I'm more exhausted than before I started and I don't think with compassion about the other person.
I guess you could say this is sort of a confession. The cleansing of my doubts about myself being human. I try so hard daily to wake up with positivity and my weakness in my surrender for God to take over and lead me, ends up just like Adam and Eve listening to the serpent's empty promises. Oh! It's so hard to be human sometimes...
But then I remember, that God knows my every move. He knows how many hairs are on my head. He is a forgiving, merciful God. He teaches me humility and patience and love so it is up to me to choose to listen to Him.
Pride is a terrible thing. My pride gets in my way all of the time. I think it's in my trying to make people understand that I'm worth listening to sometimes. But really, who am I? I'm 1 of 1,000,000,000 people on this earth, who really hasn't done anything so special as to merit that!
I've seen Meek people. There's something in their eyes that glimmers and you can feel Jesus residing within them. I want to be like that. But my green eyes often turned to red when something doesn't go my way. Shame on me. Not being humble enough. I can't get to the heaven like that.
Someday, before it's too late, I will figure it out. This humanist that I'm supposed to be.
"Oh God, give me the Wisdom I need to achieve Heaven. Help me to remember you created me, a human, with all of my flaws. Create in me the person you intended me to be" .