Beginning Again .... and AGAIN

I begin my day with prayer and meditation to be able to go out into this world and live my purpose.

Gee, that sounds noble, doesn’t it?  And it is!  I mean, honest to cookies, I really do try to live my purpose every day.  The problem for this Catholic?  I overthink things all the time and then – kerblam! – I am all caught up in the existential angst of a 13-year-old.  What IS my purpose? What is my vocation? How am I supposed to do this life thing?  AUGH!

One of the tools I use for my morning prayer and meditation is Father Mike’s podcast that is taking us through the CCC one day at a time, in a year.  This morning we were on The Call to Holiness.  I had one of those wonderful ‘ah HA!’ moments that will stay with me throughout today and – I hope, I hope – for at least enough time for me to resist being self-obsessed over what my purpose is in life.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge American Football Fan.  I am suspect of anyone – especially men – who do not like football.  My team is the San Francisco Forty-Niners.  I have been a Forty-Niner Faithful since my entry into the world and, much like my Fellow Faithful Tom Brady, came out of the womb loving the Niners and rooting for whatever team was playing the Dallas Cowboys that week. 

Because I was raised with a love of the game, it is possible for me to (begrudgingly) give credit to those not fortunate enough to play for my team.  One of those former NFL greats was Phillip Rivers, a heckuva Quarterback.  Mr. Rivers was fun to watch on the field.  More important, he lived his Catholic Faith Out Loud.  He looked at ever game day as a day to demonstrate to NFL fans how a Catholic man can earn his living playing a kid’s game for money.

This morning I discovered that his motto was Nunc Coepi – a Latin phrase that translates to Now I Begin.   It is a phrase popularized by Venerable Bruno Lanteri.  Mr. Rivers uses that phrase to set his mind on his purpose each morning before he goes out into the world. He uses that to keep him focused on his purpose.

And his purpose, like my purpose, is simple:  My purpose is to do the Will of the Father each day, to the best of my ability, with the grace provided me by the Church Jesus founded.  The Sacramental Liturgical Life offered to me by the Catholic Church gives me access to grace.  The grace gives me the power I need to be the best Leslie I can be, and while I will never command the audience commanded by a star in the NFL, I can affect the world I occupy.  In fact, I DO affect it – the challenge becomes to affect it in a positive way that shines the Light of Love and Truth. 

When I fail, and I will, I can remember the example of Phillip Rivers.  I can pick myself up, go to Confession to dust myself off, and I can begin.  Again.  And Again.  And AGAIN.

I often think I should be doing something great but that is my ego whispering to me that great equals a big audience.  My audience is small.  My world is small, but it doesn’t mean that I am given a pass when it comes to how I am supposed to live.  Listening this morning to Father Mike, I realized that I can be the woman I am if I am willing to look at each day through the eyes of The Church.  I can watch my football, cheer my Niners, play with my dogs, love my neighbors and my family and when I fall, which I will, I can begin. 

Nunc Coepi.