The light in your eyes
Time doesn't seem to be on my side too much. Frantically trying to drive to my destination or get the things done to feel like the day was well spent. I pray often for time to stand still so I can get the things I feel necessary, done, and it truly feels like it does, if but only for a few moments. Another sweet touch from my beloved God in His tenderness and love for me. All in all the tasks are accomplished and I drop into bed at night exhausted from the day.
I've worked most of my life. Raising 4 girls and then helping raise 2 of my 11 grand children. I'm self employed and God has blessed me with a steady shift. Knowing that I had to make my own hours in order to drop off or pick up from school or attend teacher conferences or band concerts or just about anything 4 growing girls needed while growing up. No "time" to really socialize or relax on a vacation. If I would vacation, the hurry and bustle of children and grandchildren or the road would tire me out more than if I was at home working. Plus, lots of hard earned money spent. Up in smoke and having to make up for it when I got home.
Most of my friends or my generation have been retired or are retiring with good pensions and money to spare. My bank account is usually always empty because of spending it on children from the past taking advantage of my generosity and always expecting it. I wont blame anyone but myself. No-one put a gun to my head and said "do it". But I do regret the fact that in my heart and in my mind I thought they would appreciate it. Especially when I was the only adult who contributed to their lives and the lives of their spouses and children. Yes, "time" NOT well spent.
Time well spent, on the other hand, has been when I walk into my beautiful church and I thank God on my knees for letting me be there. When I'm there, "time" is precious to me and meaningful. I feel God listening to me and I tell him everything. He always has "time" for me. It's quiet and the statues of my best friends give me a comfort and hope that everything is going to work out just fine. I'm not rushing from 1 place to another. If I have a day where I'm struggling, He takes the time to listen to me and advises me and tells me to slow down a bit. That He is taking care of me and not to worry.
Looking in the mirror, I see how "time" has taken it's toll on me. Most of the time I just giggle after finding myself inspecting every line on my face. Realizing, there isn't a darn thing I can do about them because that's just a part of life and aging. I really and truly have no regrets. My hasty decisions in life have taught me what the "true" meaning of life is. I consider myself blessed and the lessons I have learned have made me become who I am now. Time can be either be an excellent teacher or the voice of doom. I choose an excellent teacher. Learning and putting the knowledge of those lessons into effect make "time" my "friend".
So many people I know waste SO MUCH time. Lingering feuds or not being satisfied with what they have make "time" an enemy to them. Understanding that God's time is not at all like our time, helps me put things into perspective and I can accept situations easily and with peace in my soul. Sure, sometimes if I think too much, the wasted time these people cling to, makes me sad. But almost immediately, I am able to keep it at a low tide and drift into a peace of mind, knowing that I've learned that lesson.
Slowly, but surely, I am learning that "time" will be on my side. If I just let God handle every situation that comes about. No need to panic if I don't get there on time and that it's up to me to rely on a God who promises to take care of it, whenever I knock on His door.