A Full Quiver - What's in it for me?

Dave and I have talked with many young couples preparing for marriage; the question about when and how many children to have nearly always comes up. Some couples say they want to have kids right away while others say they would like to wait several years before having children. Other couples want to wait a long while (maybe five to ten years or longer) before having children; usually this couple has some serious debt, already has a child by a previous relationship, or they have professional careers or advanced educational degrees to pursue. Only a few couples never intend to have a child and they seem to mean it for these reasons. Most of these couples infer that they would make terrible parents anyway. A few state that the world is too messed up to bring new life into it. A third set share the pain of their parents divorce before stating that they would never want to put a child of their own through such a negative experience. The statistics regarding premature divorce, death, ill health or other tragedies make pregnancy too iffy for these couples opting out of childbearing. The bottom line is that these people are AFRAID —not of babies — but of life in general.

The good news is that a lot of these "nevers" turn into "yes-ers" after loving well and being well-loved after getting married. Even though it seems perfectly natural to wonder what’s in it (parenthood) for me, surely most readers have grander reasons than egoism or utilitarianism. Far more importantly, future parents ought to be wondering what’s in it for the “fresh new will” they hope to add to their family, the community, and the world. With this in mind, let’s look at what parenting has in store for these (and all) parents; and what the couples miss who decide it’s (parenting) is not for them.

We have discovered that parenthood is personally rejuvenating and rewarding and there does mostly seem room for another given some spacing after a new birth. But, it offers us even more than we hoped for! Gaudium et Spes teaches us that “children are really the supreme gift of marriage and contribute very substantially to the welfare of their parents.” This is so true. The question is: how and why does this happen?

Natalie Angier, becomes an unwitting supporter of Pope Paul VI’s encyclical when she explains: Babies may look helpless. He/she can’t walk, talk, think symbolically or overhaul the nation’s banking system. Yet as social emulsifiers go, nothing can beat a happily babbling baby. A baby is born knowing how to work the crowd. A toothless smile here, a musical squeal there, and even hard-nosed cynics grow soft in the head and weak in the knees. Sarah Blaffer Hardy, primatologist, agrees as she writes: “A baby’s extraordinary social skills are at the heart of what makes us human. Through its ability to solicit and secure the attentive care not just of its mother but of many others in its sensory purview, a baby promotes many of the behaviors and emotions that we prize in ourselves and that often distinguish us from other animals, including a willingness to share, to cooperate with strangers, to relax one’s guard, uncurl one’s lip, and widen one’s personal

circle beyond the stifling confines of me, myself, and mine.”

Both Angier and Hardy suggest that new parents are smitten immediately after seeing, smelling, feeling, hearing, and holding their new babies. Why?

Obviously, most adults recognize that babies are very vulnerable creatures. Does their helplessness somehow call us to newly found and purposeful actions? Do our responses to baby’s obvious needs make us more humane and more human?

Perhaps babies speak to our hearts (the philosophical seat of human emotions) because they have yet to learn the verbal language of the head! Are we immediately drawn to a baby’s simplicity? But why? Does their simplicity suggest a purity and sense of contentment that we have long lost? Are we, in some unconscious way, better disposed to realize the full extent of what constitutes a pure soul when we see a perfectly innocent baby? Do we perhaps, yearn to help baby maintain this state of innocence and purity? Do we unconsciously realize that this young soul has yet to grow discontent with any aspect of life, God , or other people and we hope they never will? Does this new person initiate a re-cleansing of our own soul because of their fresh perspective? Does the brand new soul increase our own faith, hope, and charity?

Perhaps, if we allow ourselves, we can realize that baby’s true station in life is to act as an ambassador of God. Even though it has long been taught that parents are to be their baby’s/child’s first heralds, perhaps babies/children really become adults’ first heralds as they communicate God’s Grand Plan for life in a very personal way.

Let me suggest that babies unconsciously teach us how to imitate God-like unconditional love in order that we meet babies’ basic human needs. Do babies teach us to hope for a good life in and through them? Is that why parents naturally begin to put into place things that bring this hope to fruition? They teach us a thing or two about unconditional trust; they trust in us as we are called to trust in God. They tap into our inner strength—though it may have grown dormant before their arrival. They increase our own capacity to love more fully, to trust more fully and to have more faith. Babies unwittingly score the knockout punch to their parents’ hearts — a much needed antidote if we have grown a bit narcissistic as we go about living for ourselves. Babies prove that love really does make our private worlds go around. The final lesson is this: when we let them, babies turn us into optimistic humanitarians as they help reveal the mysteries of love and life. Parents will always surprised by their baby’s natural genius.

On the other hand, babies’ demands can also bring out their parents’ hidden weaknesses and inabilities to love well. In these cases, baby’s arrival can bring out the beast that lies within too many adults.

Time and again, God sends his most vulnerable—the most unlikely person(s)—to communicate His Truth and Love to us. Babies are one subset of these unlikely persons.

For all of these reasons mentioned, babies bring out our true humanity. As they cry out for help, we respond sacrificially — day and night and so we ensure their well-being. Int he process, our personal lives become so much more interesting and rewarding. As parents are renewed by the birth of their children, so do young children become renewed by their parents.

We just recently attended the Baptism of our 17th grandchild - George Bradley. It reinforced in me what I have just written. I saw the renewal this baby brought to us and to his new family. His big brother showered him with love; as did his parents. Love was palpable in this new household. And that is why having a full quiver is and always will bring mysterious blessings far exceeding anything we could have ever anticipated. Thank you God for giving us Life.

© 2016 Fortifying Families of Faith Linda Kracht