Awaken

Awaken

By April McQueen

Awaken. Shoot for the dreams and move past the nightmares into a golden paradise called sunrise. Do that thing again where you walk your thoughts out stomping down sneaker after sneaker onto an urban sidewalk, mumbling ‘hood prayers for the hopeless. This encounter occurs among fresh roadkill, rude pedestrians, sisters and brothers in the struggle, and a choreographed steady dance of cars, buses, and the occasional bicycle. Maybe you are shaken by the deafening sound of a speeding train crossing the tracks that divide classes, access points of purchase, and career opportunities with roles and benefits, a stable stream of income for the long-term. 

You make of the day what you can sense of it then strive to seize from it a sun dance of pink, purple and orange surrounding you with its awe-inspiring love you think you have no time for.  Sometimes encounters on the way to dead ends lead to discoveries that are distant, yet encouraging expressions from those who came upon your path to acknowledge you as a non-threatening stranger, formerly known as a (good) neighbor.  You feel partially safe. They may not mean you any ill will, but they may not have your interests, best or basic, at heart either. Somewhere in between lies low-income peace, a full but choiceless tolerance, made up of certain unspoken but socially agreed upon negotiations and compromises about what it means to be (hard) working poor.

You meet them, these others, not greet them, also “economically disadvantaged,” alongside of you, but not in solidarity with you. You keep your head down, striving to make your way in the world, as do they, among the necessary prejudices and biases you default to and that likewise others use to judge you. You must activate a fast pass over the myriad of choices you make, moment by moment, to get through the day, setting a mix of guilt and anger aside.

Inspiration is a cheap bet for a losing man but be generous with love because its precarious, personal value should never be downplayed or ignored, just in case it’s true.  If I could say one thing, one single, neutral thing, it would probably be to meet each day with promise no matter if you feel differently motivated.   Save your soul for the day you realize that you are ready to dig in and do the work that matters, that makes a difference from making lake ripples to starting oceanic crashes: tidal waves.  This is a risk; and that makes it dangerous. It makes you brave, or even better, courageous, where you face your fear and do it anyway.  You vacillate between being a force of human nature or a ticking time bomb. In this real estate the ground you walk on is dried up and cracked open so that weed-choked grass, daring dandelions, and three-leaved clovers may push through, but not you.  Not here, not now, no way, no chance: never. Keep it simple and keep it moving.

What is a prayer when it’s fulfilled but a blessing? Stop looking for a universal sign of acceptance from the celestial trifecta of holies. Decide that the most you can expect from this corner of the world is an important parking permit for all your anxiety to be corralled if not calmed, at the end of the day, in a good spot…on borrowed time. Congratulations! You have arrived at your destination: this morning was your miracle.