Alzheimer's Disease; An Ever Expanding Universe of Blankness

Right now, in my world, I am fighting like crazy to keep just a tiny little space free in my brain. It is becoming my secondary challenge.  My life’s ultimate challenge is now in my face. It is being Caregiver to my wife who has entered a world from which there is no turning back. She has Alzheimer’s Disease.

My wife has been undergoing chemo treatments for over three years for Lymphoma. Although subtle, cognitive changes became apparent about a year or so ago. I spoke to the oncologist about this and he said he had noticed slight differences also.  I asked if long term chemotherapy treatments could cause this and he shrugged. I “googled” the question and page after page of “chemo brain” info popped up. They used names like “The Fog”, or PCCI (Post Chemotherapy Cognitive Impairment) or maybe CRCD (Cancer Related Cognitive Dysfunction) and, of course, plain old Chemobrain. Bottom line—I know in my heart that chemotherapy has caused cognitive problems for Marty...and for how many others? 

On July 31, she fell and broke her ankle. She needed surgery and did not come out of the anesthesia properly. She did not even know what her name was or where she lived. After several “weeks” some cognition did return, but nothing like pre-surgery. Chemo started the ball rolling, and anesthesia pushed her off the cliff into the dark sea of cognitive dysfunction. Another label still awaited.

Six weeks later, a serious heart  problem arose, and she went into Afib (Atrial Fibrillation) causing more oxygen deprivation (I was told that this was also a result of the anesthesia). She was admitted to Neuro-ICU and, in addition to the heart problems, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. She spent another 34 days in the hospital and rehab, and came home on October 26. She was not, nor will ever be, the woman I knew three months earlier. In fact, the person who she was will ultimately vanish into a blackness none of us can understand. For me, being the primary Caregiver in my own wife’s disappearing life is the most helpless, heartbreaking feeling imaginable. I never thought it could be like this.

My wife keeps asking me if we are married and “is this our house?” She cannot remember things from one minute to the next, yet she seems almost normal to anyone who might speak to her for a short time. I have never seen anything like this. She will get up and spontaneously get the toothpaste and put it somewhere it does not belong, like the closet. Yet, she can still play the piano and pray the Rosary without hesitation. I am told that she will soon forget how to do these things as well. I could go on and on, but what is the point? It only gets worse.

I just want you all to be aware of this chemo thing. Chemo has saved the lives of countless thousands of cancer patients over the years. But there is a sidebar to all of that that must be addressed. Right now, I do not know if all those chemo treatments were worth it, as her cancer is back. 

Please pray for both of us.