Awaken
Things I Forgot Were Strange
Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash
Things I Forgot Were Strange
By April McQueen
Death’s peculiar effect on those left behind when loved ones pass away is strange and surreal. One moment they are here and the next moment their body becomes a shell, a temporary physical form that will be remembered but never re-animated with their deep soul or spirit light. Memories become the solemn catalogue of all things that remain heart-worthy until they too fade from many reminders to occasional thoughts while doing the familiar. This is a natural thing, so I make my peace with it.
I get to it and set forth on a changed journey: the necessary business of living without them. My memories preserve a now late loved one in my heart, and I am grateful for the time we shared and how we connected. Sadness still can return on a significant date or turn the mundane into a moment of mourning: I don’t want to lose…I don’t want to lose…I can’t lose them.
Release comes. I wail and weep; I suffer an emotional deluge, loud and strong, but not unexpected.
I fall into allowing myself to be comforted but I am not content. I move forward, trading grief for the delights of life. More time passes. I make more memories, new ones, hollow without my loved one, but overflowing with unforeseen joy. I see that I am overcoming the sadness that defined me for so long. I surrender to writing about the upbeat times I had with my loved one. I start celebrating new chapters of life, new books on the shelf, so to speak, multiplying natural healing without thinking as much about my or their mortality.
I strengthen my faith and my belief that I will see them again. Living well becomes my new coping mechanism. Otherwise, I’d be stuck in a permanent state of grief, where death, an eventual end to this life, was once strange and became personal. Have I forgotten or am I too busy living to notice? Neither. My comfort, joy, and assurance come from Christ, my savior, who paid the price for my sins and is victorious over the grave. I lean on Him for everything.
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