Look Up!
I have a good friend (I'll call him "Tony") who told me of a recent Friday night visit to a local watering hole. Apparently he struck up a conversation with some fellow who was fond of using the n-word. After hearing it for the third or forth time, my buddy, never reserved about expressing himself, gave the fellow a brief lecture in civility and linguistic decency.
I applaud my friend for having the moral courage to speak up that night, especially in a place where things can get a bit rough and tumble. I certainly wasn't surprised by the story, since I've known Tony since 7th grade, and he's always been one to speak up against language that reflects bigotry or insensitivity.
Growing up, we had a classmate and mutual friend named Jim. Some years ago, we learned that Jim had "transitioned," and now goes by the name of "Jillian." (Actual names have been changed to protect identity, but you get the idea.) Tony always refers to Jillian in the feminine, and gets rather annoyed if others don't (even when Jillian isn't actually present). I admit this presents something of a challenge for me since, when we reminisce and tell stories about the past, the person I remember is a fellow named Jim, not a gal named Jillian. Still, I make the attempt to be mindful of the feelings of others, present of otherwise.
For all of Tony's linguistic charity towards others, there is one particular thing that especially bothers me. Tony is rather fond and frequent in his flippant use of the name of Our Blessed Lord. Perhaps I forgot to mention that Tony is an atheist. So, for him, this does not directly present any moral problem. But for me, it certainly does. Whenever we hang out, I'll hear him say, "J_____ C_____ this", and, "J_____ C_____ that...." any number of times in any number of ways. This past summer at a party he hosted, a family of very orthodox Catholics was present. Yet even when speaking directly to them, his liberal use of Our Lord's name was not curbed in the slightest. And every time I heard it, it made me cringe.
Now, something else I should also mention about Tony is that he's extremely intelligent. As such, he cannot claim ignorance as an excuse. As my long-time friend, he is fully aware of what the name of Jesus Christ means to me and others who share the faith (including one of his evangelical siblings). No, it isn't that he doesn't understand that others take offense -- it's just that he doesn't care. Since taking the name of Our Lord in vain presents no conflict with his own worldview, he has no qualms about doing so regardless of who is within earshot. The implicit message? Hey, if you have a problem with it, then there's something wrong with your beliefs, not with mine.
This has served as a reminder that it's not so difficult to be charitable toward others when the charity conforms to one's own set of moral and intellectual standards. Nothing particularly impressive about that. But can we exercise sensitivity and consequent restraint even when doing so chafes the skin of our sensibility? That, I submit, might be the greater challenge and test of sincere consistency.
My response to Tony's and others' use of Our Lord's name in vain has generally been to say a quiet Hail Mary as a small act of reparation. (Sadly, I sometimes catch even myself committing this sin in moments of anger.) But I've been thinking lately that perhaps this is not sufficient. Maybe it's time to have a talk with Tony, similar to the one he had with the stranger at the bar. I can only speak for myself, but I do sometimes wonder how often faithful Catholics defend the name of Our Lord. If the ordering of the Commandments suggests anything, then the severity of sins directly against God is even greater than those against our neighbor. But do we really treat them as such?