Stunting the Tear

I catch myself stopping the water works when something sad comes on a TV show or movie or when I have a memory of a past child or grandchild that's touched my heart. The tears come to my eyes, but they don't fall. It's hard on me, because it swells up like a balloon and then pops. Hardly stopping once I've started. Every time I stop a cry, it's like my heart puts all of the tears in a little box until there's no more room to shut the lid. I don't want to be a cry baby. But I'm a sensitive person who wants to be more tougher more braver more stronger. My mother would always say, "well, that's the way God made me". I didn't believe it until I got older and tried to change the way I handled things.

     The Serenity prayer is a good one for me to remember to say often, "God give me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference". It's a Powerful prayer for anyone.

     I feel like crying at a lot of things. I get too personally involved when I should set boundaries. I have to admit though I'm getting a little bit better. Baby steps...

      I want to feel. I want to relate to someone when they're hurting. I want them to know that there's someone out there that does care. I overwhelm myself though, taking on too much. Then it becomes a drudgery and the whole purpose is twisted and I find myself wanting to just run away. "Stunting the Tear".

     Then it catches up to me and the waterworks flow like a raging river. Maybe as time goes on, I won't care or worry if anyone sees me shedding a few tears. But for now, I'm going to rely on what the Serenity prayer says.

      "God, Grant me the Wisdom to know the difference" .