Navigating Sudden Death of Friend or Loved One

In recent years, I have had a heavy heart when I hear the news of a passing of either a friend or a loved one. It is no coincidence that I discovered the news of a wonderful child of God who was called home in her late 30s. When I read her obituary, the first thing that I noticed was her picture. I saw her joyful smile that can radiate a dark place in despair and sadness. Then, I read the many things she has done before her untimely death. In the end, I read that she requested food to be donated at her parish’s food pantry. What a legacy to leave behind.

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the news is often the question, “Why?”.  It is common to ask this life question. Sometimes we hope to grow old with that person, listen to another nugget of wisdom, or make memories worth reminiscing for years to come. Death is imminent.

Father Dennis Billy wrote, “If our friend has died, our faith gives us hope that the friendship hasn’t ended… If rooted in Christ, friendship is eternal.”

The good news is we can communicate with that lost friend or relative through the communion of saints. We know this through the Eucharist. Every Mass, the priest offers the Eucharist for those who have gone before us. As one Eucharistic prayer states, “To our departed brothers and sisters, too, and to all who were pleasing to you at their passing from this life, give kind admittance to your kingdom.”

Remember Your Loved One or Friend at Mass

A common practice that many priest encourage the faithful to do is to offer Mass for someone who has died or in need of extra graces. The Council of Trent says that Mass may be said "for the living and the dead, for sins, punishments, satisfactions, and other necessities." While we do not know the state of grace the person left as on earth, we as their loved ones must have Masses offered for them and remembered in our daily prayers.

The last corporal and spiritual work of mercies both end on a dead note (pun intended). With the corporal work of mercy, we are called to bury the dead. Some may automatically say, “Yes, attend funerals for a family member or friend who died.” However, it goes beyond attending the wake or funeral. We are also called to do something in memory of that person. Some things to do is donate in their name to charitable organizations, collect food for a pantry, and always share memories with others.

The final spiritual work of mercy is called, “Pray for the living and the dead.” As Catholics, both the living and dead are remembered daily at Mass. Additionally, we must pray for them both. Offer a rosary for the repose of one’s soul. I usually include the prayer for the dead at the end of my rosary that will go, “For N, and all the faithfully departed…”.  

For all the faithfully departed, eternal rest, grant unto them, O Lord. And let the perpetual light shine upon them.

May their soul and the souls of all the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen

Remember death. Pray for the dead.